You are my strength.
You give me hope. You ARE my hope.
You LET me come to You. You listen to me.
You teach me.
You are patient with me. You are kind.
You never fail me.
You love me. You show me how to love.
You GIVE.
You GIVE.
You understand.
You know… it ALL.
You GIVE.
You ARE grace.
You give grace.
You forgive me.
You are holy, set apart from any other.
You are unending. You never grow old.
You have always been here. You will forever be here.
You are strong.
I do not know what You look like. I wonder. I imagine. I imagine that my vision is nowhere near the truth of Your existence. I know what I know now. I do not even know everything I know now. I will know later.
My knowledge is pieced out. Scattered images of a God I have not seen with my eyes. Yet I love Him and talk to Him and trust Him with my life. I do not always believe, but I believe He will help me to believe.
I can ask Him absolutely anything. I believe He already knows even the darkest, most embarrassing, tattered parts of my mind, heart, soul. He already knows, but I still will tell Him. A friend to tell my most inward secrets. A friend to share my every thought with. Every thought I hide even from myself at times. A friend, Who no matter what comes out of me, He still loves me, with the same love He loved me with before. Unfailing love, not dependent on right and wrong, good and bad, hard and easy. Love that is always in existence. With nothing I can do to change it.
Saturday, November 7, 2009
"All These Things"
God, You are good.
Your mercy DOES endure, Your grace IS enough. Just as I sing, You are all these things.
When I stop singing, You are still all these things.
When I forget to sing, You are still all these things.
When my mouth sings, but my heart is detached, You are still all these things.
I am fickle, I am weak. I love with condition. I crave what I do not have. I crave more of what I already have.
But,
I am not lost. I am never without hope. I am forgiven. I am glad.
Your grace covers all these weaknesses. You are my completion. You are everything it turns out I am seeking.
No matter the clenches I am in, just Your presence around and IN me fill me with a hope that I could not have placed there myself.
A hope that allows no bitterness. A hope that fights back what my nature wants to cling to so tightly. A hope that ALWAYS comes through. A hope that endures the challenges to bring about growth. Not just surviving, but growing.
A hope that stays through the hard and the good, not making hard times disappear, but bringing endurance and perseverance through it all, giving me a greater good.
I am so very human. You expect this of me. In fact, you created me this way. So why would I expect perfection of myself, or knock myself down for not reaching it? You do not shame me for my faults, why should I feel like I need to?
Not that I stand for status quo. I do strive to follow Your way. To live in Your light. To live apart from this world, but embracing the beloved souls in it.
You know where I will fall short. It is not a shock to You. This is why so long ago, You gave Your own life to save me.
My heart is far behind, but You are carrying it with You.
When I doubt, when I believe, when I desire, when I cry, when I hesitate, when I hurry, when I fall, when You lift me up, when I sleep, when I dream, when I wane, when I grow, when I know, when I don’t – You are still ALL these things.
Your mercy DOES endure, Your grace IS enough. Just as I sing, You are all these things.
When I stop singing, You are still all these things.
When I forget to sing, You are still all these things.
When my mouth sings, but my heart is detached, You are still all these things.
I am fickle, I am weak. I love with condition. I crave what I do not have. I crave more of what I already have.
But,
I am not lost. I am never without hope. I am forgiven. I am glad.
Your grace covers all these weaknesses. You are my completion. You are everything it turns out I am seeking.
No matter the clenches I am in, just Your presence around and IN me fill me with a hope that I could not have placed there myself.
A hope that allows no bitterness. A hope that fights back what my nature wants to cling to so tightly. A hope that ALWAYS comes through. A hope that endures the challenges to bring about growth. Not just surviving, but growing.
A hope that stays through the hard and the good, not making hard times disappear, but bringing endurance and perseverance through it all, giving me a greater good.
I am so very human. You expect this of me. In fact, you created me this way. So why would I expect perfection of myself, or knock myself down for not reaching it? You do not shame me for my faults, why should I feel like I need to?
Not that I stand for status quo. I do strive to follow Your way. To live in Your light. To live apart from this world, but embracing the beloved souls in it.
You know where I will fall short. It is not a shock to You. This is why so long ago, You gave Your own life to save me.
My heart is far behind, but You are carrying it with You.
When I doubt, when I believe, when I desire, when I cry, when I hesitate, when I hurry, when I fall, when You lift me up, when I sleep, when I dream, when I wane, when I grow, when I know, when I don’t – You are still ALL these things.
More
"More"
Ripening.
I see, feel, detect it in the course of my thoughts.
It comes not out of ease, but of ordeal; yet, at times it is agreeable to me.
What a revolution of the heart; but still, there is more.
When do I go from endlessly requesting of You to simply seeking You?
When will Your eminence be desired, rather than my desire to be satisfied?
When will I offer the consistency You deserve?
This I long for, but have not achieved.
You ARE sculpting me. I now know your presence more than before.
But still, there is more.
Haven’t I come so far, yet only begun?
At the same time recognizing more of Your love and less of my understanding.
I cannot grasp the measure of Your time. Your work is steady and endless.
I cannot comprehend the magnitude of Your thorough, abiding care.
Forgive me when my belief falls short of everything You are.
Weakness swells as my interest fades, but Your attention never fails.
.Oh, for You to receive Your worth of gratitude!
Grant Your strength, to create in me an endless longing for more.
With a continuous flood of sincere thanks for who You are.
Ripening.
I see, feel, detect it in the course of my thoughts.
It comes not out of ease, but of ordeal; yet, at times it is agreeable to me.
What a revolution of the heart; but still, there is more.
When do I go from endlessly requesting of You to simply seeking You?
When will Your eminence be desired, rather than my desire to be satisfied?
When will I offer the consistency You deserve?
This I long for, but have not achieved.
You ARE sculpting me. I now know your presence more than before.
But still, there is more.
Haven’t I come so far, yet only begun?
At the same time recognizing more of Your love and less of my understanding.
I cannot grasp the measure of Your time. Your work is steady and endless.
I cannot comprehend the magnitude of Your thorough, abiding care.
Forgive me when my belief falls short of everything You are.
Weakness swells as my interest fades, but Your attention never fails.
.Oh, for You to receive Your worth of gratitude!
Grant Your strength, to create in me an endless longing for more.
With a continuous flood of sincere thanks for who You are.
End of Winter
Winter is coming to an end
I feel the ice melting on my skin
My limbs and chest once tense for so long
From Winter’s chill, trying to stay warm.
Muscles now relaxed, my head moves side to side.
Eyelashes release falling icicles.
Green eyes open slowly, their weight, once so intense, has vanished.
I can see clearly ahead.
Once, my hands were clenched so tightly
Afraid to let go, as if I might break.
I release them, slowly, they are comfortable now.
My chest is weightless, its burden cannot be found.
My lungs expand and experience fresh air, as if for the first time.
They fill to capacity, no more incomplete, empty gasps.
They exhale a fresh breath of gratefulness and hope.
Anything is possible with this new freedom of movement,
Thanks to this change of season in my soul
That awakens my body from hibernation
And warms its layers in preparation for progress.
I feel the ice melting on my skin
My limbs and chest once tense for so long
From Winter’s chill, trying to stay warm.
Muscles now relaxed, my head moves side to side.
Eyelashes release falling icicles.
Green eyes open slowly, their weight, once so intense, has vanished.
I can see clearly ahead.
Once, my hands were clenched so tightly
Afraid to let go, as if I might break.
I release them, slowly, they are comfortable now.
My chest is weightless, its burden cannot be found.
My lungs expand and experience fresh air, as if for the first time.
They fill to capacity, no more incomplete, empty gasps.
They exhale a fresh breath of gratefulness and hope.
Anything is possible with this new freedom of movement,
Thanks to this change of season in my soul
That awakens my body from hibernation
And warms its layers in preparation for progress.
Friday, April 24, 2009
OUT OF THE PIT
This might seem a little morose, but there is hope in the end! It's at least an honest picture of what I think it is like to feel stuck in a pit, trying to get out!
OUT OF THE PIT
Maybe you fell blindly. Maybe you helped yourself down all along.
Regardless, your feet touch the bottom and your heart sinks.
Desperation like you have never known overcomes your soul and mind.
Which is worse?
The isolated moment of finding yourself in implausible depth,
Or the countless others you spend snatching for your way out?
The sense of shock upon realizing where you are,
Or the futile clambering to escape?
Your first reaction: a frantic race to reach the top,
Wanting to be nowhere near where you are.
You raise your arm and lift your foot, searching for an edge to catch.
With just an inch to hold onto, you hoist yourself up.
You seem better off than when you began, and it might feel like progress.
You can’t be sure; but you keep on, wondering how many unfamiliar steps are left.
You seem upward-bound, but then…
Your foothold has vanished with no warning.
You didn't see it coming, but that does not keep you from descending, quickly.
Will you strike bottom again?
You were so careful, thinking that every step was best.
Everything was in the right place. You felt stable for that moment.
Yet you find yourself further away from solid ground,
And now with added disappointment for the failure.
Tired, defeated, you still desperately long for escape.
Weaker this time, you raise your limbs in another effort.
Again, all the strength you can collect thrusts you, almost too quickly, just a bit further.
You stubbornly push forward, though by now your hopes are reserved for the end.
Unsurprisingly, weakness overcomes, and you are, once again, plunging.
Which is worse?
That initial moment of finding yourself at the depth of the pit,
Or the innumerable frustrating, disappointing efforts of reaching the top in vain?
They leave you in pain, hopeless, as if you will never leave.
The dust, loosened from the walls by your scratching, begins to fill your lungs.
Breathing is a chore. Moving almost unthinkable.
What if He has been where you are striving to be all along?
Watching from above, holding His arm out in relief, asking you to take His hand.
You didn’t notice Him in the midst of all of your work.
You wondered where He was, but were too focused on the wall ahead of you to see.
You can’t imagine His arm being long enough to grasp your depths; you are too far.
But His ways are beyond yours. He is higher. He is deeper. He is enough.
No strength of your own is required.
You must only place your weary, mud-covered hand in His,
Knowing that He will lift you up and out of the desolate hollow.
You still observe the walls of the pit as you are lifted out,
But you are no longer striking yourself against them in fruitless attempt.
Give up your efforts and give in to your waning strength.
He grip is more firm, more perfect, more loving than is fathomable.
Your earthly mind finds such a simple, Heavenly rescue hard to believe.
You are not sure you even know how to simply raise a hand to His.
You may continue to attempt the climb in front of you,
Or you may relinquish the labor and accept the generous simplicity of His love.
OUT OF THE PIT
Maybe you fell blindly. Maybe you helped yourself down all along.
Regardless, your feet touch the bottom and your heart sinks.
Desperation like you have never known overcomes your soul and mind.
Which is worse?
The isolated moment of finding yourself in implausible depth,
Or the countless others you spend snatching for your way out?
The sense of shock upon realizing where you are,
Or the futile clambering to escape?
Your first reaction: a frantic race to reach the top,
Wanting to be nowhere near where you are.
You raise your arm and lift your foot, searching for an edge to catch.
With just an inch to hold onto, you hoist yourself up.
You seem better off than when you began, and it might feel like progress.
You can’t be sure; but you keep on, wondering how many unfamiliar steps are left.
You seem upward-bound, but then…
Your foothold has vanished with no warning.
You didn't see it coming, but that does not keep you from descending, quickly.
Will you strike bottom again?
You were so careful, thinking that every step was best.
Everything was in the right place. You felt stable for that moment.
Yet you find yourself further away from solid ground,
And now with added disappointment for the failure.
Tired, defeated, you still desperately long for escape.
Weaker this time, you raise your limbs in another effort.
Again, all the strength you can collect thrusts you, almost too quickly, just a bit further.
You stubbornly push forward, though by now your hopes are reserved for the end.
Unsurprisingly, weakness overcomes, and you are, once again, plunging.
Which is worse?
That initial moment of finding yourself at the depth of the pit,
Or the innumerable frustrating, disappointing efforts of reaching the top in vain?
They leave you in pain, hopeless, as if you will never leave.
The dust, loosened from the walls by your scratching, begins to fill your lungs.
Breathing is a chore. Moving almost unthinkable.
What if He has been where you are striving to be all along?
Watching from above, holding His arm out in relief, asking you to take His hand.
You didn’t notice Him in the midst of all of your work.
You wondered where He was, but were too focused on the wall ahead of you to see.
You can’t imagine His arm being long enough to grasp your depths; you are too far.
But His ways are beyond yours. He is higher. He is deeper. He is enough.
No strength of your own is required.
You must only place your weary, mud-covered hand in His,
Knowing that He will lift you up and out of the desolate hollow.
You still observe the walls of the pit as you are lifted out,
But you are no longer striking yourself against them in fruitless attempt.
Give up your efforts and give in to your waning strength.
He grip is more firm, more perfect, more loving than is fathomable.
Your earthly mind finds such a simple, Heavenly rescue hard to believe.
You are not sure you even know how to simply raise a hand to His.
You may continue to attempt the climb in front of you,
Or you may relinquish the labor and accept the generous simplicity of His love.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
being honest... :)
I am about to put it out there... :)
I know that God is really working in my life. I'm sure that He always has been, but I've just noticed it and embraced it and begged for more over the past couple of years.
I feel like I have learned SO much through these years. I have grown and matured spiritually... but I am also so aware of how much more there is left to go. It seems like the more I grow, the more I realize how dumb I am. OK - dumb is a little harsh... lacking is a better term. I am lacking in A LOT. Motivation, gentleness, gossiping, faith, love... all of it.
I am pretty much a flip-flop. I can have such moments of clarity when all is good and I think I've really learned something and can apply it to my life. An hour later, I am disappointed and questioning why God has put me in such a position, and I have a hard time moving on past disappointment and confusion.
Not that my life is in any bad state. I have plenty to be grateful for. I have wonderful people in my life, I have been able to go new places, and I always seem to be looking forward to something. But, do you ever just seem to focus on what you DON'T have? I hate that. I really hate when I spend a LARGE portion of my time wondering when I will get what I am missing. Another big portion of the time I spend wondering what I even really desire out of life.
I am a single, 27 year-old girl. Most times, I actually like it a lot. It wouldn't be right for me to be married or with children at this point. I mean, I think I am ready (in my mind) to meet someone to love and spend life with, but I don't want to rush anything that isn't meant to be. I do recognize the beauty of this time I have right now, but I also hope to one day see the beauty of marriage. I think God made me the way I am for a reason. He made me to be single at this point for a good purpose. I wouldn't be the same and might not have experienced such growth if things were any different. Usually, I am proud of that, but sometimes I question it. Being single isn't a bad thing at all. I have been able to move away and make new friends, grow spiritually through some challenges in life that I faced because I was single.
But sometimes, being single is hard. If dating were not involved, being single would be a breeze. I would love it, like I did before I really dated much. What is hard is when you are dating someone, and you're going through all of the stages of wondering whether or not this is someone you want to be dating, and whether or not you could see yourself married to them, and if you have 'feelings' there, or if there is supposed to be a 'spark,' or if they feel the same way, or if feelings change, or if you are going to be heart-broken, or if this is really someone you should be spending time with... on and on and on are the thoughts that cross the mind when dating. Well, they cross MY mind. I'm guessing they cross many girls' minds.
Sometimes I envy my friends who met their husbands early on in life... like highschool or college. Not that things were easy for them - I know each came with its own challenges. But to be over with the dating and the unsuredness of it all (is that a word?) - I am jealous of that. Maybe now I understand why my old youth pastor wanted to get us to read the book, "I Kissed Dating Goodbye." ;)
Really, I'm sort-of kidding. Dating must be a good thing if it can lead to marriage. I'm sure that when it's right, it's good :) Plus, even if things don't work out, dating truly can be fun. I'm just saying that it also is complicated, and I look forward to the day when I don't do it anymore!
As much as I desire marriage one day... I still sometimes wonder if that is what I really do want? It is a very definite thing, marriage. Sometimes I am scared to be too settled. Maybe I want to make sure I marry someone who is not sooo settled in their ways that they never want to move or try something new. I have often thought about ministry, missions, and things like that. Is that something I really desire to do one day - and if so, can I do it if I am married? Can I just up and go? Only if my husband is into the same thing and desires it as well. So many questions I have. I'm so unsure about my own goals and desires for my life that it is hard to imagine what kind of life I'd like with another person.
I know that I analyze things too much, but I'm not sure how to NOT do that! I realize that I make things complicated for myself. :) At least I can smile about it!
I will say this. Being single IS a blessing. I wish the single girls out there really believed it. I wish I believed it 100% of the time. I believe that God has a good purpose for single people. We do not need to waste our lives waiting to do something because we aren't married yet. I would say that in my life, more than half of the 'stress' of being single is related to the stigma that society puts on 'singleness.' If society (specifically, conservative, and often religious society) didn't make it seem so wrong to "still be single," then I would have hardly any qualms with being single. I would love to not let that stigma affect me in any way. Of course, there are moments that come every now and then when I just feel like I want to be held by someone who loves me. I just really want that someone to be there... but to be completely honest, those moments come and go pretty quickly. Those are things that I can always move past because my life is full of love in many other ways, and my life is full of activity and LIFE. So, while those moments can affect me at random times, they do not play a big part in my love or dislike of being single. The things society tries to get us to believe are far more effective in making me discontent than any random moment of lonliness. (For me, anyway).
Lots of people say, "So a girl like you, you're STILL single?" While I realize it is complimentary in some ways - it just doesn't do much for me. I'm just like, "Yep. That's right." But what I want to say is, "Is there something wrong with me STILL being single?" Maybe next time I will say that. :) Or maybe I'll just go into my long explanation of how I know that God has purposed my life in this way, and that He has me right where He wants me, but when the time comes for marriage, it will be right! :) I know in my right mind that this is true, but it is our culture that challenges my knowledge on that and makes me question it sometimes. Maybe one day it will not challenge me anymore, and my faith in God will stand above all of it.
I get irritated when I hear that some friends' mothers are pushing them to date any available 'nice Christian guy' that is around. I understand that mothers want their daughters to be happy, but maybe their daughters ARE happy. Or maybe they WOULD BE happy if they didn't feel like it was a mistake that they are single. That is truly how it can feel sometimes when you let others get to you, and that is unnecessary. Sometimes I want to say to mothers, "Maybe instead of just praying for your daughter to meet the man of her dreams as soon as possible, start praying for her to find her purpose and the beauty in being single right now so that she is living her life abundantly now and in every part of her life...because EVERY part of her life, especially RIGHT NOW counts."
There are so many things that I know to be true of God. And, if I believed them all 100% of the time, then life would be nearly perfect. Our culture can really have a bad influence on what I know to be true. I know that is Satan attacking. I have to remind myself of that. This is just how life works.
Whether you are married or single or divorced or going through separation or divorce, God does have a purpose for your life. It is no less purposeful or no more purposeful than anyone else's life, despite how society may influence you to think and feel. And there is no waiting around for the right time - the time is NOW. He has a purpose for your entire life. I want to start living and discovering His purpose right now and continually, in every part of my life. I don't want to fall into the temptation of listening to and believing what mainstream society and even some people in my own personal life tell me about being single or being married for that matter. I want to keep my eyes focused on God's plan for my life. His GOOD plan for ALL of my life. And I'd like to remember that His purpose includes making His goodness known above anything else.
It is easy to type this stuff, harder to live it. Hopefully, I have been transparent enough to explain that I often hit both ends of the spectrum... struggling with singleness, but also loving it and trying not to 'escape it' just because I think I might be missing something at times. And I would like for anyone to remind me of HIS truths when I do have those moments of unbelief.
"Lord, I believe. Help my unbelief." Mark 9:24
I know that God is really working in my life. I'm sure that He always has been, but I've just noticed it and embraced it and begged for more over the past couple of years.
I feel like I have learned SO much through these years. I have grown and matured spiritually... but I am also so aware of how much more there is left to go. It seems like the more I grow, the more I realize how dumb I am. OK - dumb is a little harsh... lacking is a better term. I am lacking in A LOT. Motivation, gentleness, gossiping, faith, love... all of it.
I am pretty much a flip-flop. I can have such moments of clarity when all is good and I think I've really learned something and can apply it to my life. An hour later, I am disappointed and questioning why God has put me in such a position, and I have a hard time moving on past disappointment and confusion.
Not that my life is in any bad state. I have plenty to be grateful for. I have wonderful people in my life, I have been able to go new places, and I always seem to be looking forward to something. But, do you ever just seem to focus on what you DON'T have? I hate that. I really hate when I spend a LARGE portion of my time wondering when I will get what I am missing. Another big portion of the time I spend wondering what I even really desire out of life.
I am a single, 27 year-old girl. Most times, I actually like it a lot. It wouldn't be right for me to be married or with children at this point. I mean, I think I am ready (in my mind) to meet someone to love and spend life with, but I don't want to rush anything that isn't meant to be. I do recognize the beauty of this time I have right now, but I also hope to one day see the beauty of marriage. I think God made me the way I am for a reason. He made me to be single at this point for a good purpose. I wouldn't be the same and might not have experienced such growth if things were any different. Usually, I am proud of that, but sometimes I question it. Being single isn't a bad thing at all. I have been able to move away and make new friends, grow spiritually through some challenges in life that I faced because I was single.
But sometimes, being single is hard. If dating were not involved, being single would be a breeze. I would love it, like I did before I really dated much. What is hard is when you are dating someone, and you're going through all of the stages of wondering whether or not this is someone you want to be dating, and whether or not you could see yourself married to them, and if you have 'feelings' there, or if there is supposed to be a 'spark,' or if they feel the same way, or if feelings change, or if you are going to be heart-broken, or if this is really someone you should be spending time with... on and on and on are the thoughts that cross the mind when dating. Well, they cross MY mind. I'm guessing they cross many girls' minds.
Sometimes I envy my friends who met their husbands early on in life... like highschool or college. Not that things were easy for them - I know each came with its own challenges. But to be over with the dating and the unsuredness of it all (is that a word?) - I am jealous of that. Maybe now I understand why my old youth pastor wanted to get us to read the book, "I Kissed Dating Goodbye." ;)
Really, I'm sort-of kidding. Dating must be a good thing if it can lead to marriage. I'm sure that when it's right, it's good :) Plus, even if things don't work out, dating truly can be fun. I'm just saying that it also is complicated, and I look forward to the day when I don't do it anymore!
As much as I desire marriage one day... I still sometimes wonder if that is what I really do want? It is a very definite thing, marriage. Sometimes I am scared to be too settled. Maybe I want to make sure I marry someone who is not sooo settled in their ways that they never want to move or try something new. I have often thought about ministry, missions, and things like that. Is that something I really desire to do one day - and if so, can I do it if I am married? Can I just up and go? Only if my husband is into the same thing and desires it as well. So many questions I have. I'm so unsure about my own goals and desires for my life that it is hard to imagine what kind of life I'd like with another person.
I know that I analyze things too much, but I'm not sure how to NOT do that! I realize that I make things complicated for myself. :) At least I can smile about it!
I will say this. Being single IS a blessing. I wish the single girls out there really believed it. I wish I believed it 100% of the time. I believe that God has a good purpose for single people. We do not need to waste our lives waiting to do something because we aren't married yet. I would say that in my life, more than half of the 'stress' of being single is related to the stigma that society puts on 'singleness.' If society (specifically, conservative, and often religious society) didn't make it seem so wrong to "still be single," then I would have hardly any qualms with being single. I would love to not let that stigma affect me in any way. Of course, there are moments that come every now and then when I just feel like I want to be held by someone who loves me. I just really want that someone to be there... but to be completely honest, those moments come and go pretty quickly. Those are things that I can always move past because my life is full of love in many other ways, and my life is full of activity and LIFE. So, while those moments can affect me at random times, they do not play a big part in my love or dislike of being single. The things society tries to get us to believe are far more effective in making me discontent than any random moment of lonliness. (For me, anyway).
Lots of people say, "So a girl like you, you're STILL single?" While I realize it is complimentary in some ways - it just doesn't do much for me. I'm just like, "Yep. That's right." But what I want to say is, "Is there something wrong with me STILL being single?" Maybe next time I will say that. :) Or maybe I'll just go into my long explanation of how I know that God has purposed my life in this way, and that He has me right where He wants me, but when the time comes for marriage, it will be right! :) I know in my right mind that this is true, but it is our culture that challenges my knowledge on that and makes me question it sometimes. Maybe one day it will not challenge me anymore, and my faith in God will stand above all of it.
I get irritated when I hear that some friends' mothers are pushing them to date any available 'nice Christian guy' that is around. I understand that mothers want their daughters to be happy, but maybe their daughters ARE happy. Or maybe they WOULD BE happy if they didn't feel like it was a mistake that they are single. That is truly how it can feel sometimes when you let others get to you, and that is unnecessary. Sometimes I want to say to mothers, "Maybe instead of just praying for your daughter to meet the man of her dreams as soon as possible, start praying for her to find her purpose and the beauty in being single right now so that she is living her life abundantly now and in every part of her life...because EVERY part of her life, especially RIGHT NOW counts."
There are so many things that I know to be true of God. And, if I believed them all 100% of the time, then life would be nearly perfect. Our culture can really have a bad influence on what I know to be true. I know that is Satan attacking. I have to remind myself of that. This is just how life works.
Whether you are married or single or divorced or going through separation or divorce, God does have a purpose for your life. It is no less purposeful or no more purposeful than anyone else's life, despite how society may influence you to think and feel. And there is no waiting around for the right time - the time is NOW. He has a purpose for your entire life. I want to start living and discovering His purpose right now and continually, in every part of my life. I don't want to fall into the temptation of listening to and believing what mainstream society and even some people in my own personal life tell me about being single or being married for that matter. I want to keep my eyes focused on God's plan for my life. His GOOD plan for ALL of my life. And I'd like to remember that His purpose includes making His goodness known above anything else.
It is easy to type this stuff, harder to live it. Hopefully, I have been transparent enough to explain that I often hit both ends of the spectrum... struggling with singleness, but also loving it and trying not to 'escape it' just because I think I might be missing something at times. And I would like for anyone to remind me of HIS truths when I do have those moments of unbelief.
"Lord, I believe. Help my unbelief." Mark 9:24
Friday, January 9, 2009
Oops
Well, I kind of forgot that I had this blog! Really who is reading it anyway :) Sadly, though, after all this time, I can't think of anything great to say. Not that I did before... God gives great insights all the time, and I love when He gives me things like that. He has done it so much, but unfortunately, I feel like I enjoy it in the moment, and then I have to be re-taught the same thing over and over again. That is life... for me, anyway.
I will say how grateful I am to have the friends I have in life. I find it hard to be grateful sometimes, which is ridiculous, because I know that I have an infinite amount of things to be grateful for. But, even so, I am still so selfish and often miss the most important things. Anyway, lately, God has let me realize how much He has blessed me by giving me such great friends. I have always had a lot of friends from different areas of life... growing up, church, college, sports, etc. Now, I have friends in Charleston and new friends I've made since moving back to Augusta.
Soon before I left for college, I remember praying that God would give me Christian friends, as sort of an accountability. I knew it was easy to lose sight of Him away from home in a new, fun, more independent place, so I prayed that He would give me good friends to keep me on track. And looking back, I can't believe how clearly He answered that prayer. Not only in college did I have good Christian friends, but ever since then, I have never had a shortage. Even some the friendships I had growing up have become more strongly based on Christ. And now, of course, I have my Charleston friends to add to that list. When I lived in Charleston, I never knew a group of young people existed like that. I had never been around a group of people so genuinely seeking Christ whole-heartedly. It was and is still such an encouragement. Don't get me wrong, I have friends who are not Christians, and these are some great friendships, too. I am grateful for them! But, there is something extra-special about friendships that are grounded in Christ. Not just two Christians who are friends... but two friends who talk about and encourage each other's spiritual growth. That is serious friendship :)
I just realized how great these friendships are last weekend when I went to Charleston for New Years. Before we went to bed each night, Molly and I sat down and she read to me some excerpts from a new book of hers, "Hope." We talked about our faith and our struggles and our hopes and our good times. Then, we both started reading our favorite scriptures to each other. It was so encouraging. I don't have many friends I have been that open about my faith with, but I am SO grateful for this part of friendship. It is so comforting to have friends who share the same beliefs and the same desires as far as living for Christ goes.
So I guess I had something to write about after all.
I really love my friends! I hope not only that we remain friends, but I hope the friendships grow. This is truly my prayer for my friends:
"I pray for you constantly, asking God, the glorious Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, to give you spiritual wisdom and understanding, so that you might grow in your knowledge of God. I pray that your hearts will be flooded with light, so that you can understand the wonderful future He has promised to those He called."
Ephesians 1:17-18
By the way, most of my friends don't even know what a blog really is, so they definitely aren't reading this...I guess that means I'll have to tell them in person how much their friendship means, haha. But for the ones who do and can read this, I love you :)
I will say how grateful I am to have the friends I have in life. I find it hard to be grateful sometimes, which is ridiculous, because I know that I have an infinite amount of things to be grateful for. But, even so, I am still so selfish and often miss the most important things. Anyway, lately, God has let me realize how much He has blessed me by giving me such great friends. I have always had a lot of friends from different areas of life... growing up, church, college, sports, etc. Now, I have friends in Charleston and new friends I've made since moving back to Augusta.
Soon before I left for college, I remember praying that God would give me Christian friends, as sort of an accountability. I knew it was easy to lose sight of Him away from home in a new, fun, more independent place, so I prayed that He would give me good friends to keep me on track. And looking back, I can't believe how clearly He answered that prayer. Not only in college did I have good Christian friends, but ever since then, I have never had a shortage. Even some the friendships I had growing up have become more strongly based on Christ. And now, of course, I have my Charleston friends to add to that list. When I lived in Charleston, I never knew a group of young people existed like that. I had never been around a group of people so genuinely seeking Christ whole-heartedly. It was and is still such an encouragement. Don't get me wrong, I have friends who are not Christians, and these are some great friendships, too. I am grateful for them! But, there is something extra-special about friendships that are grounded in Christ. Not just two Christians who are friends... but two friends who talk about and encourage each other's spiritual growth. That is serious friendship :)
I just realized how great these friendships are last weekend when I went to Charleston for New Years. Before we went to bed each night, Molly and I sat down and she read to me some excerpts from a new book of hers, "Hope." We talked about our faith and our struggles and our hopes and our good times. Then, we both started reading our favorite scriptures to each other. It was so encouraging. I don't have many friends I have been that open about my faith with, but I am SO grateful for this part of friendship. It is so comforting to have friends who share the same beliefs and the same desires as far as living for Christ goes.
So I guess I had something to write about after all.
I really love my friends! I hope not only that we remain friends, but I hope the friendships grow. This is truly my prayer for my friends:
"I pray for you constantly, asking God, the glorious Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, to give you spiritual wisdom and understanding, so that you might grow in your knowledge of God. I pray that your hearts will be flooded with light, so that you can understand the wonderful future He has promised to those He called."
Ephesians 1:17-18
By the way, most of my friends don't even know what a blog really is, so they definitely aren't reading this...I guess that means I'll have to tell them in person how much their friendship means, haha. But for the ones who do and can read this, I love you :)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)