You know how you just kind of get in a funk sometimes? I have had a good share of them over the last few years, but a lot of good has come from them, so I'm not going to complain about them. Anytime I am in one of these funks now, I know that I am going to learn something sooner or later ;)
This past year has been so great - I've developed such a great group of friends and had good times with my older friends. I feel like I've done so much and been on so many fun trips. It really has been awesome. But, even with so many good things going on, I still hit a funk. Nothing like the funks I've been in in the past, but still, not a good feeling. I saw a funk defined once as "less than a depression and more than just a bad day." That's pretty good...
In my case, there is always a specific incident that brings on something like that, but the actual situation doesn't matter too much. "Situations" always involve people... and feelings. And situations that put someone into a funk usually involve negative feelings. And the heart of the matter is not what someone or I did or said (or didn't do or say), but the heart of the matter is WHY I feel the way I feel. I think we automatically want to blame other people for the way we feel - when really, it truly only comes down to ourselves. And, I usually need to ask myself: "Why do I feel this way? Why does this make me upset/angry/sad/frustrated?" Instead of: "Why does he/she do this or that?" Hopefully that makes sense.
We can't blame other people for our feelings. (Yes, sometimes we are definitely 'attacked,' but I'm not referring to that kind of situation). I think we need to try to understand why we feel the way we feel, and trust God to work this out through us. I'm not saying that we should forget about other people, but we just need to recognize that our problems exist because WE are human and imperfect ourselves.
Even though I KNOW this, I usually blame others for a while before I start remembering that it's really not about them at all - it's me. Ugh, when will I learn?! ;)
Anyway, through this funk, the latest lesson I've been learning is this: "righteousness comes through faith." I don't think I ever really even tried to understand what that means. I probably just read it years, maybe even months ago and thought, "yeah, sure, OK. righteousness comes through faith. faith is good. good." Seriously, I don't think I put any thought into it.
Until lately. I have been trying SOOO hard to act "right" (or "right"eous). I always want to come across as if I have it together and as if I know how to treat everyone with perfect love and forgiveness, even if things aren't perfect. Even when I'm dying inside from frustration or annoyance and I and want nothing more than to disappear from a situation, I'm hoping to come across as calm, cool and collected. Ha - well I know that doesn't happen, because I end up coming across as AWKWARD. That's me for sure. Or, maybe I seem really rude... I hate that.
the last thing I want is to be that way... but it's like I can't help it. If I'm in a situation and I don't want to be there, I'm going to try to be nice and normal, but I'm probably going to be very distant and wrapped up in my head and emotions. I may not proclaim my emotions, but I definitely can't hide them. Wow, that is something I know and really dislike about myself! It's kind of like what Paul says about our heart desiring to be one way (the good way), but our body (flesh) doing the exact thing that we hate. It is such a battle... a constant one sometimes.
The stupid thing is - I'd be the first one to say that "We should all be honest with each other about our weaknesses and failures, etc." And, I do really believe that - but when it comes to personal in-the-moment situations, I now see that I SOOO try to hide my real (weak) self. Which is pointless, because it shows anyway.
So - - - when I do have these moments when I am having such a hard time loving and accepting and being "right" and being a good friend even when I'm hurt and frustrated - - - I am totally thrown off. Generally, I get along with people really well. I really do love people pretty easily. And I HATE it when I struggle with relationships with others. I hate when I know that I am being judgemental and critical. Yet, I don't know how to stop it. And, I try so hard to NOT be that way, that I get even more frustrated when I can't fix myself. Usually, I assume that intentionally putting myself in the very situation that frustrates me will force me to HAVE to overcome the challenge... like I can be "the bigger person" and act (even make myself believe) as if nothing is bothering me. But what I have learned is that it only makes it worse. And it takes me FOREVER to come to terms with that.
This has been driving me crazy for a long time now. And FINALLY, I read something last week that made ALL the difference. Or maybe it was a combination of things that I was reading. Anyway, the thing that stuck out was that RIGHTEOUSNESS (becoming more like Christ) comes through FAITH. We cannot become righteous on our own - I cannot "fix myself." As much as I want to be different, I can't "make myself good." I can't put myself in an awkward situation enough times until I just become a better person on my own. Only by having FAITH that God is going to change me - knowing that I can stop trying so hard to be 'better' - will I actually change.
In my case, I really believe that taking myself away from the 'situation' and distancing just a little bit is what God has wanted me to do. My natural instinct is to believe that this MUST be wrong - why would God want me to get away from a situation if I am supposed to be learning how to love others more? It doesn't make sense to my brain... but, when do God's plans make a whole lot of sense to me anyway?
I was reading something today that talked about Mary (Jesus' mother) and how weird God's plan was for her. Why would he decide to make Mary pregnant when she wasn't even married. What must her neighbors have thought?? Didn't it seem too scandalous?? But really, it wasn't scandalous at all. Everyone else may have thought it was - but they didn't really know the whole story. Only God did and does.
So, when I think it's crazy that I need to take myself out of a situation that I am trying to improve... I have to remember that just because I don't think it seems right doesn't mean that it isn't right. Obviously, all of my OWN efforts were in vain and just brought me lower and lower. Just because it might seem strange to other people doesn't mean that God doesn't want me to do it.
Anyway - that's just a random thought. The main point is that God is the one who will make me righteous. I can stop trying to force myself to be nice and sweet and polite and loving - (when really I am negative and hurtful and angry and critical on the inside) - and I can trust that if I can just "be still," seek Him by knowing Him more, and do what God wants of me, even if it seems weird, then GOD WILL CHANGE MY HEART.
I have already noticed Him working, even just in how my anxiety has changed. I've been so hyped up about all of this that my stomach has been in knots and my heart races sometimes just out of pure frustration that I CAN'T be a better person and I don't know how to handle my situation. And finally, once I learned this lesson, my anxiety lessened almost immediately. It was crazy! I'm not saying that I am 100% - I never will be cured of pride here on this earth - BUT, a profound difference has been made because of God alone - and I can trust that He IS CHANGING me even still. I still may have a ways to go, and I may not be completely out of that funk - but I don't have to force myself to do anything anymore. It would all be in vain anyway. He is working in me. Righteousness comes by faith. He IS changing my heart and softening it and helping me to love more.
I am starting to learn that I can always trust Him to teach me something great through any funk I may have...
His ways are not my ways, nor His thoughts my thoughts. His ways are higher. Thank GOD. :)
Monday, May 3, 2010
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
A Survey
Welcome to the new 2010 edition of getting to know your family and friends. Here is what you are supposed to do, and try not to spoil the fun. Change all the answers so that they apply to you. Have fun and be truthful! I want to see your answers!! Link up at the end so we can share in your answers!
1. What is your occupation right now? Child Life Specialist
2. What color are your socks right now? none
3. What are you listening to right now? whatever is on the TV in the background
4. What was the last thing that you ate? half of a snickers
5. Can you drive a stick shift? my brother tried to teach me years ago and i might remember how, but it would be BUMPY
6. Last person you spoke to on the phone: my niece ;) she has been calling lately... i guess the phone is a new-found treat for her
7. Do you like the person who sent this to you? i stole it from denise's page, and yes i love her :)
8 . How old are you today? 27
9. What is your favorite sport to watch on TV? gymnastics
10. What is your favorite drink? lipton green tea
11. Have you ever dyed your hair? 2 or 3 times
12. Favorite food? not sure what my very favorite is... i have always loved the chicken/mashed potatoes/green beans combo ;)
13. What is the last movie you watched? Leap Year
14. Favorite day of the year? well that changes every year...
15. How do you vent anger? cry, exercise, write
16. What was your favorite toy as a Child? cricket doll or playdoh
17. What is your favorite season? summer or fall
18. Cherries or Blueberries? cherries
18. Do you want your friends to continue to post? sure:)
19. Who is the most likely to respond?
20. Who is least likely to respond?
21. Living arrangements? please ask me again in 6 months when I will be back in my townhouse ;)
22. When was the last time you cried? sometime last week
23. What is on the floor of your closet? shoes
24. Who is the friend you have had the longest that you are sending to?
25. What did you do last night? had a good jteam get-together
26. Plain, cheese, or spicy hamburgers? cheese
27. What are you most afraid of? having it all wrong
28. What is your favorite kind of dog? i've always said weimaraner... but i don't know now... maybe irish or airedale terrier or labs...
29. Favorite day of the week? yeah saturday :)
30. Diamonds or Pearls? pearls
31. What is your favorite flower? Callalillies
32. What is your favorite blog to read? I only really read Denise's and Kristen's, so theirs ;) I need to jump on the whole blog thing... or do I?
1. What is your occupation right now? Child Life Specialist
2. What color are your socks right now? none
3. What are you listening to right now? whatever is on the TV in the background
4. What was the last thing that you ate? half of a snickers
5. Can you drive a stick shift? my brother tried to teach me years ago and i might remember how, but it would be BUMPY
6. Last person you spoke to on the phone: my niece ;) she has been calling lately... i guess the phone is a new-found treat for her
7. Do you like the person who sent this to you? i stole it from denise's page, and yes i love her :)
8 . How old are you today? 27
9. What is your favorite sport to watch on TV? gymnastics
10. What is your favorite drink? lipton green tea
11. Have you ever dyed your hair? 2 or 3 times
12. Favorite food? not sure what my very favorite is... i have always loved the chicken/mashed potatoes/green beans combo ;)
13. What is the last movie you watched? Leap Year
14. Favorite day of the year? well that changes every year...
15. How do you vent anger? cry, exercise, write
16. What was your favorite toy as a Child? cricket doll or playdoh
17. What is your favorite season? summer or fall
18. Cherries or Blueberries? cherries
18. Do you want your friends to continue to post? sure:)
19. Who is the most likely to respond?
20. Who is least likely to respond?
21. Living arrangements? please ask me again in 6 months when I will be back in my townhouse ;)
22. When was the last time you cried? sometime last week
23. What is on the floor of your closet? shoes
24. Who is the friend you have had the longest that you are sending to?
25. What did you do last night? had a good jteam get-together
26. Plain, cheese, or spicy hamburgers? cheese
27. What are you most afraid of? having it all wrong
28. What is your favorite kind of dog? i've always said weimaraner... but i don't know now... maybe irish or airedale terrier or labs...
29. Favorite day of the week? yeah saturday :)
30. Diamonds or Pearls? pearls
31. What is your favorite flower? Callalillies
32. What is your favorite blog to read? I only really read Denise's and Kristen's, so theirs ;) I need to jump on the whole blog thing... or do I?
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Free
I don't have a long post for today... but what I wish I would remember day in and day out is: IT IS ABOUT GOD. NOT ME. IT IS ALL ABOUT HIM. THIS LIFE IS NOT REALLY MINE. IT IS HIS. IT WAS MEANT TO PRAISE HIM AND TO BRING HONOR TO HIM.
Can I remember that this week? Tomorrow? The rest of tonight? When I am talking with people? When I am frustrated over something that I think is so important? When I am alone? When I am having fun? When I am running? When I am driving? And on, and on, and on.
Someone I love is in a recovery program and he said that they just focus on the current day... "Can I get through TODAY without (fill in your vice)." He loves it, and apparently it is a great method to recovery.
So... maybe I can just focus on the moment, on today. Can I remember this hour, this moment that MY LIFE BELONGS TO GOD - EVERYTHING IS ABOUT HIM.
Can I remember that this week? Tomorrow? The rest of tonight? When I am talking with people? When I am frustrated over something that I think is so important? When I am alone? When I am having fun? When I am running? When I am driving? And on, and on, and on.
Someone I love is in a recovery program and he said that they just focus on the current day... "Can I get through TODAY without (fill in your vice)." He loves it, and apparently it is a great method to recovery.
So... maybe I can just focus on the moment, on today. Can I remember this hour, this moment that MY LIFE BELONGS TO GOD - EVERYTHING IS ABOUT HIM.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Books
Totally unrelated to my last post, I'm listing all the books recommended to me to read the other day... mainly because I am too lazy to write them all down, and I need to save them somewhere so I won't forget them... :)
"The Eye of the World" Robert Jordon
"Sundays at Tiffanys" James Patterson
"Searching for God Knows What" Donald Miller
here's part of my skeptical delimma... I've heard his books can be a
little iffy... but what do I know if I haven't read it for myself?
Because then again, I read someone's book (MacArthur) who is very
different from Miller, and I started getting frustrated with that
person... so what's the deal... I need to remember - these are all
PEOPLE. This isn't God's Word itself... so I have to remind myself to
not put more emphasis on it anyway.
"The Pleasures of God" John Piper - don't think I've ever doubted him before...
"Death by Love" Mark Driscoll
Fiction by George Orwell
"Shantaram" - looked it up, and not even understanding where that book is going
"How People Grow" Cloud and Townsend
"Shattered Dreams" Larry Crabb - Katie D. described this one to me, and it may be my first choice.
"Everyone Poops" :) twice!
"The Shack" read it
Anything by Lori Copeland
"Water for Elephants"
"Something Borrowed" "Something Blue" Emily Griffin
"A Million Miles in a Thousand Years" Donald Miller again
"Slaughter House 5" what?
"The Pursuit of God" A.W. Tozer
"South of Broad" "The Help" Pat Conroy
"Redeeming Love" Francine Rivers - already one of my favorites
"Satisfy My Thirsty Soul"
and... a cook book.
:)
P.S. if these blogs give you any glimpse into my head - then you've already come to realize how over-analytical I am and how I might be clinically unstable. I should definitely be giving my brain at LEAST an 8-hour break at night.
"The Eye of the World" Robert Jordon
"Sundays at Tiffanys" James Patterson
"Searching for God Knows What" Donald Miller
here's part of my skeptical delimma... I've heard his books can be a
little iffy... but what do I know if I haven't read it for myself?
Because then again, I read someone's book (MacArthur) who is very
different from Miller, and I started getting frustrated with that
person... so what's the deal... I need to remember - these are all
PEOPLE. This isn't God's Word itself... so I have to remind myself to
not put more emphasis on it anyway.
"The Pleasures of God" John Piper - don't think I've ever doubted him before...
"Death by Love" Mark Driscoll
Fiction by George Orwell
"Shantaram" - looked it up, and not even understanding where that book is going
"How People Grow" Cloud and Townsend
"Shattered Dreams" Larry Crabb - Katie D. described this one to me, and it may be my first choice.
"Everyone Poops" :) twice!
"The Shack" read it
Anything by Lori Copeland
"Water for Elephants"
"Something Borrowed" "Something Blue" Emily Griffin
"A Million Miles in a Thousand Years" Donald Miller again
"Slaughter House 5" what?
"The Pursuit of God" A.W. Tozer
"South of Broad" "The Help" Pat Conroy
"Redeeming Love" Francine Rivers - already one of my favorites
"Satisfy My Thirsty Soul"
and... a cook book.
:)
P.S. if these blogs give you any glimpse into my head - then you've already come to realize how over-analytical I am and how I might be clinically unstable. I should definitely be giving my brain at LEAST an 8-hour break at night.
Why Is It Bad When It's Good?
I don't know what is going on lately, but I am in some kind of funk. Which is weird because nothing is going wrong. Things are actually really good. I'm excited about starting the new job. Just finished orientation today and now I'm ready to actually get in there and start doing some stuff! Everything else is really good... spending time with the people I love ALL THE TIME. Fun trips, fun nights, fun days, meaningful job. I am constantly grateful for the relationships all around me.
But, in the middle of all of this goodness, I am so skeptical. That is the one word I have been using to describe this 'condition,' or whatever you want to call it. It all boils down to spirituality and my relationship with Christ. I will always have a relationship with Him, but I have been ignoring it lately. I *hate* admitting that, but it's not like I'm going to pretend like it's normal when it's not. I despise being fake about God or trying to put on a good act.
I feel like Satan is tempting me and I am not doing anything about it... and I do not know why. I am skeptical about everything I read or hear about Christ (outside of the Bible). I am so judgemental of others - and how can I be judgemental EVER - ESPECIALLY when I'm in such a funk? I doubt churches and the reasons behind the things they do, I doubt some leaders that I know of (not where I attend), I doubt the kind of teaching I hear - not that I think anything wrong is being taught where I attend, but I am skeptical of different methods of teaching sometimes - which leads me to be really slack about listening. So when I could be hearing a great message, instead I'm trying to find something to pick-apart. That just isn't like me, I don't think. I doubt others' motives, constantly. I doubt the way some people 'do ministry' (which is such a typical modern religious term that I didn't know how to avoid just now, sorry). It's insane. I think I know some deeper places where this stems from - and in some ways, being skeptical is not always bad... but it has become more of a judgemental kind of thing, which is NOT good. It is keeping me from my own relationship with Christ and from trusting others who could otherwise be supporting my growth.
Or is it? Should I be skeptical of these things? Is there a fine line between being just skeptical enough and then going overboard and hindering my relationship with Christ? What should I be skeptical of?
Either way, I'm sure that God can bring good out of this season. I'm just ready to be in the next stage. I want to be SURE and I want to KNOW what to do.
I certainly have these desires to know more about Christ and way more about the Bible... but when I think about it, I get SO extremely overwhelmed and do not know where to even begin. I know I do not have the background knowledge to understand so many things in the Bible. I know there are books I can get and ways to study, but it's like I will not take the time to do any of that. Maybe it IS because I've been SO busy with the 'good' things in life. I really want to take Bible classes, and I have thought about signing up for some once I am settled in my new job... but am I supposed to wait until then to grow and learn? I'm sure I'm not. But in the meantime, I cannot, for the life of me, get motivated.
I don't even journal and pray like I used to. Every once in a while I journal, and I still pray every day, but not nearly as much as before. The closeness is not there right now, and I HATE that.
Why does it take a catastrophe to jump-start spiritual growth? It doesn't *have* to happen that way, does it? I hope not... but at the same time, if that is what it takes... am I open to that? Not that I would ask for something terrible to happen... but I do want lots of growth. And I do realize that sometimes growth comes through struggles. Ugh, I don't know.
Am I supposed to take practical steps for this? Am I supposed to force myself to read the Bible, even when I'm not paying very good attention? I know I can set aside more time to journal and pray, and I will do that... but for some reason, I hesitate at God's Word - I KNOW how terrible that sounds, yet I still do it. Because I am so frustrated that I will NOT understand it all. That's a huge part of it. So what to do?
As I'm typing, ideas come to mind... like maybe I will start focusing on passages that I already know and love. Psalm 139, James, some Philippians... maybe I will give that a try and just see if I can just focus on what I DO know and be reminded of THOSE promises... how could I not get closer to God if I am focusing on His Word?
Maybe typing this out was therapeutic. Who knows. If you read this and you pray, I'd love for someone else to pray for me about this. It is such a frustrating place. And, I truly do want God to do with my life what is BEST for Him... I know struggling is a part of everyone's life, and I know this is only a moment in time. But, I'd LOVE to get through it and get closer to Him.
Ugh - frustrating but honest.
But, in the middle of all of this goodness, I am so skeptical. That is the one word I have been using to describe this 'condition,' or whatever you want to call it. It all boils down to spirituality and my relationship with Christ. I will always have a relationship with Him, but I have been ignoring it lately. I *hate* admitting that, but it's not like I'm going to pretend like it's normal when it's not. I despise being fake about God or trying to put on a good act.
I feel like Satan is tempting me and I am not doing anything about it... and I do not know why. I am skeptical about everything I read or hear about Christ (outside of the Bible). I am so judgemental of others - and how can I be judgemental EVER - ESPECIALLY when I'm in such a funk? I doubt churches and the reasons behind the things they do, I doubt some leaders that I know of (not where I attend), I doubt the kind of teaching I hear - not that I think anything wrong is being taught where I attend, but I am skeptical of different methods of teaching sometimes - which leads me to be really slack about listening. So when I could be hearing a great message, instead I'm trying to find something to pick-apart. That just isn't like me, I don't think. I doubt others' motives, constantly. I doubt the way some people 'do ministry' (which is such a typical modern religious term that I didn't know how to avoid just now, sorry). It's insane. I think I know some deeper places where this stems from - and in some ways, being skeptical is not always bad... but it has become more of a judgemental kind of thing, which is NOT good. It is keeping me from my own relationship with Christ and from trusting others who could otherwise be supporting my growth.
Or is it? Should I be skeptical of these things? Is there a fine line between being just skeptical enough and then going overboard and hindering my relationship with Christ? What should I be skeptical of?
Either way, I'm sure that God can bring good out of this season. I'm just ready to be in the next stage. I want to be SURE and I want to KNOW what to do.
I certainly have these desires to know more about Christ and way more about the Bible... but when I think about it, I get SO extremely overwhelmed and do not know where to even begin. I know I do not have the background knowledge to understand so many things in the Bible. I know there are books I can get and ways to study, but it's like I will not take the time to do any of that. Maybe it IS because I've been SO busy with the 'good' things in life. I really want to take Bible classes, and I have thought about signing up for some once I am settled in my new job... but am I supposed to wait until then to grow and learn? I'm sure I'm not. But in the meantime, I cannot, for the life of me, get motivated.
I don't even journal and pray like I used to. Every once in a while I journal, and I still pray every day, but not nearly as much as before. The closeness is not there right now, and I HATE that.
Why does it take a catastrophe to jump-start spiritual growth? It doesn't *have* to happen that way, does it? I hope not... but at the same time, if that is what it takes... am I open to that? Not that I would ask for something terrible to happen... but I do want lots of growth. And I do realize that sometimes growth comes through struggles. Ugh, I don't know.
Am I supposed to take practical steps for this? Am I supposed to force myself to read the Bible, even when I'm not paying very good attention? I know I can set aside more time to journal and pray, and I will do that... but for some reason, I hesitate at God's Word - I KNOW how terrible that sounds, yet I still do it. Because I am so frustrated that I will NOT understand it all. That's a huge part of it. So what to do?
As I'm typing, ideas come to mind... like maybe I will start focusing on passages that I already know and love. Psalm 139, James, some Philippians... maybe I will give that a try and just see if I can just focus on what I DO know and be reminded of THOSE promises... how could I not get closer to God if I am focusing on His Word?
Maybe typing this out was therapeutic. Who knows. If you read this and you pray, I'd love for someone else to pray for me about this. It is such a frustrating place. And, I truly do want God to do with my life what is BEST for Him... I know struggling is a part of everyone's life, and I know this is only a moment in time. But, I'd LOVE to get through it and get closer to Him.
Ugh - frustrating but honest.
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Seek First...
I was looking through my little zip drive thing (I think that's what it's called - it holds files and pictures, and I can take it in and out of computers...). Anyway, it has some old stuff on it from a few years ago, and it happened to have this journal entry from about 2 1/2 years ago. This was during the almost lowest point I've ever experienced, but I guess it is proof that God was working in my life even at that lowest part (ESPECIALLY at that lowest part). It just happens that this point in life was when I was working in Children's Ministry in Charleston - by no means do I want anyone to think that Children's Ministry caused me to be low - not at all... there were many other things on my plate that were disappointing and revealing and confusing to me at the time.
Anyway, reading this again, I had a hard time believing that I had any kind of clarity during that time because I was SO defeated and upset and confused... but God was obviously in perfect control and used all of that year (or two) for His purposes. Anyway, just thought I'd share! I feel like I haven't been as close to Christ as I was during those years since then... I want that closeness again. I certainly don't desire those hard times, but I really do want to be in that position of seeking Christ and solely trusting Him...
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
Today, I came into the office about 9:45. I began journaling (I had done some earlier at the apartment). Then, I heard that there was a Staff Meeting at 10:15. Glad I got to work by 10! So, I didn’t have much time to do anything, so I think I read and wrote Philippians 4:6-7 a bunch. I have had such a hard time lately with everything going on. Totally brought on by myself… just to add. Anyway, I was really trying to focus on the phrase – Be anxious for NOTHING.
So then we had staff meeting, and Marshall presented a very powerful idea. That we get so wrapped up in seeking God FOR things, that we lose sight of seeking HIM. I know that every single thing I have heard lately has applied to my life. The things that Marshall spoke about this morning, the sermon that Woody gave Sunday morning, the message on Sunday night at the singles service, even the kids who I have been able to talk to with Marshall who are talking about accepting Christ. Their thoughts are so similar to mine it is crazy! I am amazed at the depth of this one little girl’s HONESTY about her faith and her struggle between her desire to know Him and her own selfish desires. And she is 9! And I am 25 and I am relating completely with her. It’s kind of funny but so great, too. It makes me wonder if everything really is connected and just goes down to ONE thing. I mean it seems that every single message, no matter what is spoken on, is relevant. I don’t know why I didn’t see this before. Or is it just that I am at such a “breaking” point, almost just a self-defeated kind of position where I need it ALL! And is “ALL” really just ONE thing – and that ONE thing is seeking Christ. And that is it. I do believe if I JUST set my sights on seeking Him, then every single thing left will fall into place.
It does feel good to say that. I don’t know why I make things so complicated. I put everything into it’s own category or perspective, and then I think I totally lose sight. I don’t know. It ALL comes down to seeking Christ. Matthew 6:32-33 – “For the Gentiles eagerly seek all these things; for your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.”
Before, I would have been drawn to “And all these things will be added to you,” thinking that THIS IS GREAT, If I just do this the right way, then “all these things will be added!” And it’s not wrong to pray for things that we think we need. And it is not wrong to pray for things that we even believe will work for the glory of God. BUT, “Seek first His kingdom and His righteousness.” That is the command. That should be my JOY to seek Him first. That is foremost. FIRST. Maybe I should carry around that with me and pull it out any and every time I take a breath!
I want to want it for the right reasons, too. Not to make myself feel better, but solely to seek Him. Because it brings Him glory. It honors Him.
Anyway, reading this again, I had a hard time believing that I had any kind of clarity during that time because I was SO defeated and upset and confused... but God was obviously in perfect control and used all of that year (or two) for His purposes. Anyway, just thought I'd share! I feel like I haven't been as close to Christ as I was during those years since then... I want that closeness again. I certainly don't desire those hard times, but I really do want to be in that position of seeking Christ and solely trusting Him...
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
Today, I came into the office about 9:45. I began journaling (I had done some earlier at the apartment). Then, I heard that there was a Staff Meeting at 10:15. Glad I got to work by 10! So, I didn’t have much time to do anything, so I think I read and wrote Philippians 4:6-7 a bunch. I have had such a hard time lately with everything going on. Totally brought on by myself… just to add. Anyway, I was really trying to focus on the phrase – Be anxious for NOTHING.
So then we had staff meeting, and Marshall presented a very powerful idea. That we get so wrapped up in seeking God FOR things, that we lose sight of seeking HIM. I know that every single thing I have heard lately has applied to my life. The things that Marshall spoke about this morning, the sermon that Woody gave Sunday morning, the message on Sunday night at the singles service, even the kids who I have been able to talk to with Marshall who are talking about accepting Christ. Their thoughts are so similar to mine it is crazy! I am amazed at the depth of this one little girl’s HONESTY about her faith and her struggle between her desire to know Him and her own selfish desires. And she is 9! And I am 25 and I am relating completely with her. It’s kind of funny but so great, too. It makes me wonder if everything really is connected and just goes down to ONE thing. I mean it seems that every single message, no matter what is spoken on, is relevant. I don’t know why I didn’t see this before. Or is it just that I am at such a “breaking” point, almost just a self-defeated kind of position where I need it ALL! And is “ALL” really just ONE thing – and that ONE thing is seeking Christ. And that is it. I do believe if I JUST set my sights on seeking Him, then every single thing left will fall into place.
It does feel good to say that. I don’t know why I make things so complicated. I put everything into it’s own category or perspective, and then I think I totally lose sight. I don’t know. It ALL comes down to seeking Christ. Matthew 6:32-33 – “For the Gentiles eagerly seek all these things; for your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.”
Before, I would have been drawn to “And all these things will be added to you,” thinking that THIS IS GREAT, If I just do this the right way, then “all these things will be added!” And it’s not wrong to pray for things that we think we need. And it is not wrong to pray for things that we even believe will work for the glory of God. BUT, “Seek first His kingdom and His righteousness.” That is the command. That should be my JOY to seek Him first. That is foremost. FIRST. Maybe I should carry around that with me and pull it out any and every time I take a breath!
I want to want it for the right reasons, too. Not to make myself feel better, but solely to seek Him. Because it brings Him glory. It honors Him.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
What do I do?
I probably explain my career an average of 5 times a week. Even friends I've known for years still don't seem to get what I do. So... here it is, straight from the Child Life Council Website:
"Child life specialists are trained professionals with expertise in helping children and their families overcome life’s most challenging events.
Armed with a strong background in child development and family systems, child life specialists promote effective coping through play, preparation, education, and self-expression activities. They provide emotional support for families, and encourage optimum development of children facing a broad range of challenging experiences, particularly those related to healthcare and hospitalization. Because they understand that a child’s wellbeing depends on the support of the family, child life specialists provide information, support and guidance to parents, siblings, and other family members. They also play a vital role in educating caregivers, administrators, and the general public about the needs of children under stress."
I would say that in most areas of Child Life, there is no 'typical' day. I worked on a General Pediatrics floor for a few years, and I would see patients with long-term or terminal illnesses along with patients who were there for constipation, seizures, asthma, developmental delays, kidney problems, etc. So, sometimes, for one child, my goal might be to just help them through getting their IV and make sure they have activities to do to make things more normal while they are in the hospital for a day or two. And other times, I might have a long-term goal of helping a child to understand his/her new diagnosis and to cope more effectively with treatments that will change the routine of their life or physical appearance. Sometimes, a CLS might be with a family who is grieving the upcoming death of a child, and ten minutes later might be playing Wii with another child. The CLS is there for whatever that child and family's social/emotional needs are.
I think it is a really cool and unique position to have. We don't do any kinds of medical procedures, we just help the child through those procedures. We use medical play to help the child understand better what they are experiencing. Sometimes, we use pretend doctors kits, and sometimes we use 'professional' dolls and real medical equipment to act out actual procedures. That is pretty fun. We make prep books that show kids what to expect during things like Surgery or getting a PICC Line (like an IV that stays with you for a while so you can get things like antibiotics over a period of time). We do therapeutic-type art and play activities to help children process through their experiences. We answer questions and sometimes predict the questions that kids just won't ask out loud. When I worked at MCG, I was in charge of the Special Events for the kids, so I would set up groups to come into the hospital to provide fun for the kids (magicians, scrapbooking, pet therapy, holiday parties, musicians, sports players, etc). So pretty much anything that would make the hospital a little more bearable is what Child Life is for ;)
Hopefully that explains it a little better for anyone who hasn't heard of Child Life or who just hasn't understood it. Maybe it is something that you have to see to 'get.'
On Monday (7 days from now), I will begin a new Child Life position at Doctor's Hospital in Augusta. Doctor's has the largest burn unit in the southeast, with children and adults being treated from 7 different states in the southeast. They have never had a Child Life program or a Child Life Specialist, so I will be explaining myself a lot to nurses and staff there! Thanksfully, the Burn Unit Director, Doctor and Nurse Practioner are very knowledgeable about Child Life and are excited to get a program started. Right now, the children who are served at Doctor's are placed in the same unit as the adults. I walked through the unit during my interview, and it is pretty scary. Just a really scary place for a kid to have to be. There is nothing child-friendly about it. Plus, they are in rooms right next to severly burned adults... which probably looks a lot like what you might expect it to look like.
The good news is that in the Fall, there will be a BRAND NEW 16-bed Pediatric Burn Unit - just for kids!!
I think I have a big job ahead of me, but it is really exciting. My friends from MCG and I have talked for years about how we wish Doctor's had a Child Life program for the kids in the burn unit. So, this has been a long time coming! Along with the burn unit, there is also a 9-bed general pediatrics floor that I will work with, too... so that should be a little more familiar to me ;)
I am really excited about the new position. I don't know exactly what to expect, but I know that even the little changes made in the beginning will go a long way. I really think it is going to be cool... hard and challenging, but really great. And, I'm SO grateful to have my Child Life friends in Augusta for support. They will be an invaluable resource, I know!
So, I plan to blog about this little journey on starting the program at Doctors. The good, bad and ugly... but hopefully mostly good :)
"Child life specialists are trained professionals with expertise in helping children and their families overcome life’s most challenging events.
Armed with a strong background in child development and family systems, child life specialists promote effective coping through play, preparation, education, and self-expression activities. They provide emotional support for families, and encourage optimum development of children facing a broad range of challenging experiences, particularly those related to healthcare and hospitalization. Because they understand that a child’s wellbeing depends on the support of the family, child life specialists provide information, support and guidance to parents, siblings, and other family members. They also play a vital role in educating caregivers, administrators, and the general public about the needs of children under stress."
I would say that in most areas of Child Life, there is no 'typical' day. I worked on a General Pediatrics floor for a few years, and I would see patients with long-term or terminal illnesses along with patients who were there for constipation, seizures, asthma, developmental delays, kidney problems, etc. So, sometimes, for one child, my goal might be to just help them through getting their IV and make sure they have activities to do to make things more normal while they are in the hospital for a day or two. And other times, I might have a long-term goal of helping a child to understand his/her new diagnosis and to cope more effectively with treatments that will change the routine of their life or physical appearance. Sometimes, a CLS might be with a family who is grieving the upcoming death of a child, and ten minutes later might be playing Wii with another child. The CLS is there for whatever that child and family's social/emotional needs are.
I think it is a really cool and unique position to have. We don't do any kinds of medical procedures, we just help the child through those procedures. We use medical play to help the child understand better what they are experiencing. Sometimes, we use pretend doctors kits, and sometimes we use 'professional' dolls and real medical equipment to act out actual procedures. That is pretty fun. We make prep books that show kids what to expect during things like Surgery or getting a PICC Line (like an IV that stays with you for a while so you can get things like antibiotics over a period of time). We do therapeutic-type art and play activities to help children process through their experiences. We answer questions and sometimes predict the questions that kids just won't ask out loud. When I worked at MCG, I was in charge of the Special Events for the kids, so I would set up groups to come into the hospital to provide fun for the kids (magicians, scrapbooking, pet therapy, holiday parties, musicians, sports players, etc). So pretty much anything that would make the hospital a little more bearable is what Child Life is for ;)
Hopefully that explains it a little better for anyone who hasn't heard of Child Life or who just hasn't understood it. Maybe it is something that you have to see to 'get.'
On Monday (7 days from now), I will begin a new Child Life position at Doctor's Hospital in Augusta. Doctor's has the largest burn unit in the southeast, with children and adults being treated from 7 different states in the southeast. They have never had a Child Life program or a Child Life Specialist, so I will be explaining myself a lot to nurses and staff there! Thanksfully, the Burn Unit Director, Doctor and Nurse Practioner are very knowledgeable about Child Life and are excited to get a program started. Right now, the children who are served at Doctor's are placed in the same unit as the adults. I walked through the unit during my interview, and it is pretty scary. Just a really scary place for a kid to have to be. There is nothing child-friendly about it. Plus, they are in rooms right next to severly burned adults... which probably looks a lot like what you might expect it to look like.
The good news is that in the Fall, there will be a BRAND NEW 16-bed Pediatric Burn Unit - just for kids!!
I think I have a big job ahead of me, but it is really exciting. My friends from MCG and I have talked for years about how we wish Doctor's had a Child Life program for the kids in the burn unit. So, this has been a long time coming! Along with the burn unit, there is also a 9-bed general pediatrics floor that I will work with, too... so that should be a little more familiar to me ;)
I am really excited about the new position. I don't know exactly what to expect, but I know that even the little changes made in the beginning will go a long way. I really think it is going to be cool... hard and challenging, but really great. And, I'm SO grateful to have my Child Life friends in Augusta for support. They will be an invaluable resource, I know!
So, I plan to blog about this little journey on starting the program at Doctors. The good, bad and ugly... but hopefully mostly good :)
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