Seek First...

I was looking through my little zip drive thing (I think that's what it's called - it holds files and pictures, and I can take it in and out of computers...). Anyway, it has some old stuff on it from a few years ago, and it happened to have this journal entry from about 2 1/2 years ago. This was during the almost lowest point I've ever experienced, but I guess it is proof that God was working in my life even at that lowest part (ESPECIALLY at that lowest part). It just happens that this point in life was when I was working in Children's Ministry in Charleston - by no means do I want anyone to think that Children's Ministry caused me to be low - not at all... there were many other things on my plate that were disappointing and revealing and confusing to me at the time.
Anyway, reading this again, I had a hard time believing that I had any kind of clarity during that time because I was SO defeated and upset and confused... but God was obviously in perfect control and used all of that year (or two) for His purposes. Anyway, just thought I'd share! I feel like I haven't been as close to Christ as I was during those years since then... I want that closeness again. I certainly don't desire those hard times, but I really do want to be in that position of seeking Christ and solely trusting Him...



Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Today, I came into the office about 9:45. I began journaling (I had done some earlier at the apartment). Then, I heard that there was a Staff Meeting at 10:15. Glad I got to work by 10! So, I didn’t have much time to do anything, so I think I read and wrote Philippians 4:6-7 a bunch. I have had such a hard time lately with everything going on. Totally brought on by myself… just to add. Anyway, I was really trying to focus on the phrase – Be anxious for NOTHING.
So then we had staff meeting, and Marshall presented a very powerful idea. That we get so wrapped up in seeking God FOR things, that we lose sight of seeking HIM. I know that every single thing I have heard lately has applied to my life. The things that Marshall spoke about this morning, the sermon that Woody gave Sunday morning, the message on Sunday night at the singles service, even the kids who I have been able to talk to with Marshall who are talking about accepting Christ. Their thoughts are so similar to mine it is crazy! I am amazed at the depth of this one little girl’s HONESTY about her faith and her struggle between her desire to know Him and her own selfish desires. And she is 9! And I am 25 and I am relating completely with her. It’s kind of funny but so great, too. It makes me wonder if everything really is connected and just goes down to ONE thing. I mean it seems that every single message, no matter what is spoken on, is relevant. I don’t know why I didn’t see this before. Or is it just that I am at such a “breaking” point, almost just a self-defeated kind of position where I need it ALL! And is “ALL” really just ONE thing – and that ONE thing is seeking Christ. And that is it. I do believe if I JUST set my sights on seeking Him, then every single thing left will fall into place.
It does feel good to say that. I don’t know why I make things so complicated. I put everything into it’s own category or perspective, and then I think I totally lose sight. I don’t know. It ALL comes down to seeking Christ. Matthew 6:32-33 – “For the Gentiles eagerly seek all these things; for your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.”
Before, I would have been drawn to “And all these things will be added to you,” thinking that THIS IS GREAT, If I just do this the right way, then “all these things will be added!” And it’s not wrong to pray for things that we think we need. And it is not wrong to pray for things that we even believe will work for the glory of God. BUT, “Seek first His kingdom and His righteousness.” That is the command. That should be my JOY to seek Him first. That is foremost. FIRST. Maybe I should carry around that with me and pull it out any and every time I take a breath!
I want to want it for the right reasons, too. Not to make myself feel better, but solely to seek Him. Because it brings Him glory. It honors Him.