I am so excited about the next few days. Tomorrow night I'm having a New Years party with some fun friends! Molly will be coming from Charleston to celebrate, which I'm excited about :)
Then, on Saturday, I am going to Passion in Atlanta with Denise and some people from my old church. I am SO excited to be able to listen to some of the most well-spoken speakers/preachers around now. I'm hoping to learn a lot and to start the New Year off by growing closer to Christ. John Piper, Francis Chan, Andy Stanley, Louie Giglio... and Christy Nockels singing! woohoo :) I'm also excited to take the trip with Denise! We live in the same town, but I don't get to catch up with her enough!
And then... one more week of work, and THEN a WEEK OFF before I start my new job! During that week, I am going to Raleigh to visit my friend Stacey (one of my Charleston buddies). I have not been able to visit her yet in the last year and a half, and I don't think I've seen her in 6 months!
Then, begins the new job. Crazy. I have a feeling I'll be pretty busy getting my feet wet in my new role, so I'm going to relax and have fun these next couple of weeks :)
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
A New Year
As is typical of me, I was so against making any New Years resolutions this year - because 'that's the popular thing to do.' (I have issues and we will just leave that alone.)
Anyway, something changed over the last few weeks and I've been thinking about resolutions. I think I first started thinking about how great this past year has been. I truly am SOOO thankful for what God has done in my life this past year. The previous two years were the hardest years of my life, but I find it hard to complain about them now because my faith in Christ grew stronger than I ever knew it would. I also would not be right where I am today if all of that had not been a part of my life. But still, those years were so difficult and I wanted out of them so badly. At the beginning of this year, I was still coming out of a fog, so it didn't start out that great... but as the year kept going on, my life started getting brighter and brighter. I have made so many friends over this past year that mean so much! I know God placed us all in each others' lives to encourage and entertain :) each other. I have had so much fun with these new friends as well as my 'old' friends. I've just started to really realize how blessed my life is.
So anyway - what I am about to say is so frustrating to admit... but, as God has been making these changes in my life, I have sadly started to forget about how close God has been to me and how much He has done for me. I have not thanked Him or shown Him love like I wish I would have. I have become lazy in spending time with Him. All of these incredible insights and lessons I've had over the last year or so I have slowly been forgetting. For example, I read Crazy Love by Francis Chan earlier this year, and I was so amazed at the things that God brought to my attention. I wanted so badly to live simply (and coincidentally, this wasn't hard to do because I was making so very little money in my job at the time...) and I was again considering missions. I had such a passion for living genuinely for God and in intentionally moving closer to Him and further away from this world.
Now, I still completely agree with moving closer to Him and apart from the world, but it seems like that passion I had has lost some of it's spark. I don't know what caused the change - except to guess that it is because I have become so busy doing these fun things and filling my time with friends and events that I have neglected to spend time with God. I also have come to a better spot financially and I guess I have not felt the need to 'ask' God for help. This is terrible. I don't want to just come to Him for things like this. I mean, He can definitely help, but He didn't live and die just to cure my financial woes... ugh. Not at all.
So, needless to say, I am a little disappointed in myself and my devotion to Christ. I don't feel like I've 'fallen away' or whatever... I just think I've started to pay less attention to Him because my life is easier, to be honest. The sad thing is - HE IS THE ONE who made it this way for me! I should be thanking Him every time I take a breath.
So anyway - back to resolutions. It seems weird to make that a resolution... so really, I just hope that in 2010, I grow closer to Christ and that I intentionally seek Him. Not to just seek Him FOR something, but to simply SEEK HIM. I DO want to know so much more about Him and His Word. I want to feel Him. I want to KNOW Him. I want to love more. I want to understand more, and really to just be closer to Him. As part of this desire, I guess I would 'resolve' to stop over-committing myself and to slow my life down a little. To make sure I am not putting anything ahead of Him. This is not just a 'New Years' resolution, this is an everyday, all-the-time kind of resolution.
OK - now as far as an actual New Years Resolution... I am going to give up all drinks other than water, with a couple of exceptions. This may sound ridiculous, but I will allow myself to have an 'adult beverage' every now and then ;) for celebration purposes of course! And, I can have coffee every now and then. Really, the only time I drink coffee now is if I need some caffeine to drive to work in Columbia in the mornings... but pretty soon I will only be driving 5 minutes to work (YAY!!!) so I won't need that caffeine! Starbucks drinks are also OK rarely, when friends want to go out and get coffee. So... maybe I'm terrible at making resolutions because I just gave myself like 5 exceptions. Whatever. The main goal is just to stop drinking a lot of stuff like sodas and other drinks that are just full of crap with zero nutritional value.
Another vague resolution I have is to LIVE SIMPLY. This is going to be a gradual process. I have already begun thinking like this over the past couple of years, but it comes and goes sometimes. I think living in Charleston started my 'live simply' mode, but Crazy Love helped to spur on my desire! Basically, I will pay much more attention to the 'stuff' I have. I try to get rid of extra stuff that I don't really need or want on a semi-regular basis. I'd really like to just have what I need instead of accumulating a bunch of stuff I end up not wanting. It really is such a waste. I'd like to get on track budget-wise and spend my money in a way that pleases God and helps others, instead of accumulating 'treasures' for myself that will rust and fade away. I will think more about what I actually 'need' versus what I just 'want' or the fact that I just want to spend money... (yikes).
I can't think of any more resolutions. This is probably plenty to work with ;)
However - 2010 IS bringing me a BRAND NEW JOB! I will have LOTS going on in that arena of life. I'm excited about starting the Child Life program at Doctor's Burn Unit, but I really have no idea what it is going to be like. I'm preparing myself to be challenged and to face some difficult situations... BUT, I also think it is going to be really great and interesting. Even though it is still Child Life, it's definitely and new realm for me, in that it is mostly in a burn unit, AND that I will be starting a program from scratch - which means I get to look around and say, "Ooh, let's do THIS!" Should be fun ;)
Who knows what else this coming year will bring. If it is anything like 2009, then I am looking forward to it :)
Anyway, something changed over the last few weeks and I've been thinking about resolutions. I think I first started thinking about how great this past year has been. I truly am SOOO thankful for what God has done in my life this past year. The previous two years were the hardest years of my life, but I find it hard to complain about them now because my faith in Christ grew stronger than I ever knew it would. I also would not be right where I am today if all of that had not been a part of my life. But still, those years were so difficult and I wanted out of them so badly. At the beginning of this year, I was still coming out of a fog, so it didn't start out that great... but as the year kept going on, my life started getting brighter and brighter. I have made so many friends over this past year that mean so much! I know God placed us all in each others' lives to encourage and entertain :) each other. I have had so much fun with these new friends as well as my 'old' friends. I've just started to really realize how blessed my life is.
So anyway - what I am about to say is so frustrating to admit... but, as God has been making these changes in my life, I have sadly started to forget about how close God has been to me and how much He has done for me. I have not thanked Him or shown Him love like I wish I would have. I have become lazy in spending time with Him. All of these incredible insights and lessons I've had over the last year or so I have slowly been forgetting. For example, I read Crazy Love by Francis Chan earlier this year, and I was so amazed at the things that God brought to my attention. I wanted so badly to live simply (and coincidentally, this wasn't hard to do because I was making so very little money in my job at the time...) and I was again considering missions. I had such a passion for living genuinely for God and in intentionally moving closer to Him and further away from this world.
Now, I still completely agree with moving closer to Him and apart from the world, but it seems like that passion I had has lost some of it's spark. I don't know what caused the change - except to guess that it is because I have become so busy doing these fun things and filling my time with friends and events that I have neglected to spend time with God. I also have come to a better spot financially and I guess I have not felt the need to 'ask' God for help. This is terrible. I don't want to just come to Him for things like this. I mean, He can definitely help, but He didn't live and die just to cure my financial woes... ugh. Not at all.
So, needless to say, I am a little disappointed in myself and my devotion to Christ. I don't feel like I've 'fallen away' or whatever... I just think I've started to pay less attention to Him because my life is easier, to be honest. The sad thing is - HE IS THE ONE who made it this way for me! I should be thanking Him every time I take a breath.
So anyway - back to resolutions. It seems weird to make that a resolution... so really, I just hope that in 2010, I grow closer to Christ and that I intentionally seek Him. Not to just seek Him FOR something, but to simply SEEK HIM. I DO want to know so much more about Him and His Word. I want to feel Him. I want to KNOW Him. I want to love more. I want to understand more, and really to just be closer to Him. As part of this desire, I guess I would 'resolve' to stop over-committing myself and to slow my life down a little. To make sure I am not putting anything ahead of Him. This is not just a 'New Years' resolution, this is an everyday, all-the-time kind of resolution.
OK - now as far as an actual New Years Resolution... I am going to give up all drinks other than water, with a couple of exceptions. This may sound ridiculous, but I will allow myself to have an 'adult beverage' every now and then ;) for celebration purposes of course! And, I can have coffee every now and then. Really, the only time I drink coffee now is if I need some caffeine to drive to work in Columbia in the mornings... but pretty soon I will only be driving 5 minutes to work (YAY!!!) so I won't need that caffeine! Starbucks drinks are also OK rarely, when friends want to go out and get coffee. So... maybe I'm terrible at making resolutions because I just gave myself like 5 exceptions. Whatever. The main goal is just to stop drinking a lot of stuff like sodas and other drinks that are just full of crap with zero nutritional value.
Another vague resolution I have is to LIVE SIMPLY. This is going to be a gradual process. I have already begun thinking like this over the past couple of years, but it comes and goes sometimes. I think living in Charleston started my 'live simply' mode, but Crazy Love helped to spur on my desire! Basically, I will pay much more attention to the 'stuff' I have. I try to get rid of extra stuff that I don't really need or want on a semi-regular basis. I'd really like to just have what I need instead of accumulating a bunch of stuff I end up not wanting. It really is such a waste. I'd like to get on track budget-wise and spend my money in a way that pleases God and helps others, instead of accumulating 'treasures' for myself that will rust and fade away. I will think more about what I actually 'need' versus what I just 'want' or the fact that I just want to spend money... (yikes).
I can't think of any more resolutions. This is probably plenty to work with ;)
However - 2010 IS bringing me a BRAND NEW JOB! I will have LOTS going on in that arena of life. I'm excited about starting the Child Life program at Doctor's Burn Unit, but I really have no idea what it is going to be like. I'm preparing myself to be challenged and to face some difficult situations... BUT, I also think it is going to be really great and interesting. Even though it is still Child Life, it's definitely and new realm for me, in that it is mostly in a burn unit, AND that I will be starting a program from scratch - which means I get to look around and say, "Ooh, let's do THIS!" Should be fun ;)
Who knows what else this coming year will bring. If it is anything like 2009, then I am looking forward to it :)
Saturday, November 7, 2009
No Other Way
I can say it now
I always hoped I could somehow
But I had my doubts
In the moment, couldn’t figure it out
But now, I see, it’s right
What was dark is now so bright
My vision was so dim
Thought I’d lost what I’d never have again
And now, I am whole
Having reached this cherished goal
‘Thank You’ was hardly on my mind
With so many concerns that only bind
But, somehow along the way
You’ve allowed my mouth to say that
I am grateful that I failed
I am glad that I’ve known pain
It might seem strange to say
But I’d have it no other way
This path that’s led me here
I once wanted to disappear
But now, I see the beauty that You know
This life full of love, laughter, growth,
A heart of thanks, new joy and friends
For all Your ways, may my praise never end.
I always hoped I could somehow
But I had my doubts
In the moment, couldn’t figure it out
But now, I see, it’s right
What was dark is now so bright
My vision was so dim
Thought I’d lost what I’d never have again
And now, I am whole
Having reached this cherished goal
‘Thank You’ was hardly on my mind
With so many concerns that only bind
But, somehow along the way
You’ve allowed my mouth to say that
I am grateful that I failed
I am glad that I’ve known pain
It might seem strange to say
But I’d have it no other way
This path that’s led me here
I once wanted to disappear
But now, I see the beauty that You know
This life full of love, laughter, growth,
A heart of thanks, new joy and friends
For all Your ways, may my praise never end.
Right Now
Right Now
Right now, I will be glad.
Right now, I will enjoy the moment.
Right now, I am where I am meant to be.
Right now, I am grateful for where I have been.
Right now, I can look forward to what is to come.
Right now, I will not miss what is here, right now.
I imagine the future. I imagine things I would like to have.
But, right now, have I missed out on something?
No, because right now is right where I was created to be.
I won’t let ‘right now’ slip away as I dream of ‘until then.’
Right now, I am grateful for all that I am blessed to possess.
I will use these blessing to return the favor.
I will seek and I will find.
I will serve and I will love.
Stagnant is a word I will never know personally.
I am a river, whose current is constantly shifting, but whose contents remain living water. Right now is where I am and where I want to be. Right now is where my joy lies.
Right now, I will be glad.
Right now, I will enjoy the moment.
Right now, I am where I am meant to be.
Right now, I am grateful for where I have been.
Right now, I can look forward to what is to come.
Right now, I will not miss what is here, right now.
I imagine the future. I imagine things I would like to have.
But, right now, have I missed out on something?
No, because right now is right where I was created to be.
I won’t let ‘right now’ slip away as I dream of ‘until then.’
Right now, I am grateful for all that I am blessed to possess.
I will use these blessing to return the favor.
I will seek and I will find.
I will serve and I will love.
Stagnant is a word I will never know personally.
I am a river, whose current is constantly shifting, but whose contents remain living water. Right now is where I am and where I want to be. Right now is where my joy lies.
Strength Itself
I am so weak.
But it is when I am weak that I am strong.
It is not myself. It is You.
You are not only my strength, You are strength itself.
You are love. You are hope, truth.
You are not just an example of these things. You are all of these.
How do I fathom all You are? Where do I begin?
How is it that I believe You are all of these?
You are infinite, You are everything.
I need You. I need Your love. I need Your strength, Your truth,
Your goodness, Your grace, Your mercy, Your hope,
Your protection, Your salvation.
You supply these needs, but You are even more than this. You are all.
I need more. All the time.
I could have more, and I would need more.
And then, more.
One day, I will have all of You.
There will be no more ‘not enough.’
There will be no more questions, no more fear, no more doubt.
I will know. I will believe. I will see.
I will feel. I will be with You.
My life will be made complete in You.
Yet, this is not about me.
So rather, One day, You will be fully glorified.
Your holiness alone will exist.
The holiness You have always been will then be known fully.
My mind fails to comprehend. So I want to know more.
I need Your word. I need Your truth. I need You.
But it is when I am weak that I am strong.
It is not myself. It is You.
You are not only my strength, You are strength itself.
You are love. You are hope, truth.
You are not just an example of these things. You are all of these.
How do I fathom all You are? Where do I begin?
How is it that I believe You are all of these?
You are infinite, You are everything.
I need You. I need Your love. I need Your strength, Your truth,
Your goodness, Your grace, Your mercy, Your hope,
Your protection, Your salvation.
You supply these needs, but You are even more than this. You are all.
I need more. All the time.
I could have more, and I would need more.
And then, more.
One day, I will have all of You.
There will be no more ‘not enough.’
There will be no more questions, no more fear, no more doubt.
I will know. I will believe. I will see.
I will feel. I will be with You.
My life will be made complete in You.
Yet, this is not about me.
So rather, One day, You will be fully glorified.
Your holiness alone will exist.
The holiness You have always been will then be known fully.
My mind fails to comprehend. So I want to know more.
I need Your word. I need Your truth. I need You.
To You, My Friends
I wish you well
I wish you peace
I wish your cares would be released
To the One who loves you most
The One who loves to keep you close
I hope your walls will be destroyed
For you, I wish not only joy
But happiness to fill your days
Even more than wishing, I will pray
I pray for comfort and for love
For a life that fits you like a glove
I pray He guides your every step
And when He does, that you accept
Good things He has in store for you
I imagine great things you will do
I hope that He surprises you
With a life you'd never dream to choose
Glory belongs to God above
Unending, unfailing, unfathomable love
I pray that you truly believe
This love He wants you to receive
I wish you peace
I wish your cares would be released
To the One who loves you most
The One who loves to keep you close
I hope your walls will be destroyed
For you, I wish not only joy
But happiness to fill your days
Even more than wishing, I will pray
I pray for comfort and for love
For a life that fits you like a glove
I pray He guides your every step
And when He does, that you accept
Good things He has in store for you
I imagine great things you will do
I hope that He surprises you
With a life you'd never dream to choose
Glory belongs to God above
Unending, unfailing, unfathomable love
I pray that you truly believe
This love He wants you to receive
Still
Never before did I know what it meant to have my heart exposed.
Envelop, protect it; but let it blossom.
Bitterness is easy to find, I know this to be true.
Sweeten, refine, purify my heart.
Soften it to absorb everything, and still, remain buoyant.
To be grateful for good hardly requires effort.
To find gratitude amid wringing of the heart is where love and faith mature.
Without difficulty and desperation, how would any great measure of His faithfulness be known?
Still, it challenges me.
Heartaches change - new anxieties replace former doubts resolved.
Perfection has not found me.
Endurance, however, is mine; and He will provide and prove faithful over again.
Joy IS to be found.
Even happiness for the moment.
For every time I lay my head, and every time I wake, He is still with me!
Envelop, protect it; but let it blossom.
Bitterness is easy to find, I know this to be true.
Sweeten, refine, purify my heart.
Soften it to absorb everything, and still, remain buoyant.
To be grateful for good hardly requires effort.
To find gratitude amid wringing of the heart is where love and faith mature.
Without difficulty and desperation, how would any great measure of His faithfulness be known?
Still, it challenges me.
Heartaches change - new anxieties replace former doubts resolved.
Perfection has not found me.
Endurance, however, is mine; and He will provide and prove faithful over again.
Joy IS to be found.
Even happiness for the moment.
For every time I lay my head, and every time I wake, He is still with me!
You
You are my strength.
You give me hope. You ARE my hope.
You LET me come to You. You listen to me.
You teach me.
You are patient with me. You are kind.
You never fail me.
You love me. You show me how to love.
You GIVE.
You GIVE.
You understand.
You know… it ALL.
You GIVE.
You ARE grace.
You give grace.
You forgive me.
You are holy, set apart from any other.
You are unending. You never grow old.
You have always been here. You will forever be here.
You are strong.
I do not know what You look like. I wonder. I imagine. I imagine that my vision is nowhere near the truth of Your existence. I know what I know now. I do not even know everything I know now. I will know later.
My knowledge is pieced out. Scattered images of a God I have not seen with my eyes. Yet I love Him and talk to Him and trust Him with my life. I do not always believe, but I believe He will help me to believe.
I can ask Him absolutely anything. I believe He already knows even the darkest, most embarrassing, tattered parts of my mind, heart, soul. He already knows, but I still will tell Him. A friend to tell my most inward secrets. A friend to share my every thought with. Every thought I hide even from myself at times. A friend, Who no matter what comes out of me, He still loves me, with the same love He loved me with before. Unfailing love, not dependent on right and wrong, good and bad, hard and easy. Love that is always in existence. With nothing I can do to change it.
You give me hope. You ARE my hope.
You LET me come to You. You listen to me.
You teach me.
You are patient with me. You are kind.
You never fail me.
You love me. You show me how to love.
You GIVE.
You GIVE.
You understand.
You know… it ALL.
You GIVE.
You ARE grace.
You give grace.
You forgive me.
You are holy, set apart from any other.
You are unending. You never grow old.
You have always been here. You will forever be here.
You are strong.
I do not know what You look like. I wonder. I imagine. I imagine that my vision is nowhere near the truth of Your existence. I know what I know now. I do not even know everything I know now. I will know later.
My knowledge is pieced out. Scattered images of a God I have not seen with my eyes. Yet I love Him and talk to Him and trust Him with my life. I do not always believe, but I believe He will help me to believe.
I can ask Him absolutely anything. I believe He already knows even the darkest, most embarrassing, tattered parts of my mind, heart, soul. He already knows, but I still will tell Him. A friend to tell my most inward secrets. A friend to share my every thought with. Every thought I hide even from myself at times. A friend, Who no matter what comes out of me, He still loves me, with the same love He loved me with before. Unfailing love, not dependent on right and wrong, good and bad, hard and easy. Love that is always in existence. With nothing I can do to change it.
"All These Things"
God, You are good.
Your mercy DOES endure, Your grace IS enough. Just as I sing, You are all these things.
When I stop singing, You are still all these things.
When I forget to sing, You are still all these things.
When my mouth sings, but my heart is detached, You are still all these things.
I am fickle, I am weak. I love with condition. I crave what I do not have. I crave more of what I already have.
But,
I am not lost. I am never without hope. I am forgiven. I am glad.
Your grace covers all these weaknesses. You are my completion. You are everything it turns out I am seeking.
No matter the clenches I am in, just Your presence around and IN me fill me with a hope that I could not have placed there myself.
A hope that allows no bitterness. A hope that fights back what my nature wants to cling to so tightly. A hope that ALWAYS comes through. A hope that endures the challenges to bring about growth. Not just surviving, but growing.
A hope that stays through the hard and the good, not making hard times disappear, but bringing endurance and perseverance through it all, giving me a greater good.
I am so very human. You expect this of me. In fact, you created me this way. So why would I expect perfection of myself, or knock myself down for not reaching it? You do not shame me for my faults, why should I feel like I need to?
Not that I stand for status quo. I do strive to follow Your way. To live in Your light. To live apart from this world, but embracing the beloved souls in it.
You know where I will fall short. It is not a shock to You. This is why so long ago, You gave Your own life to save me.
My heart is far behind, but You are carrying it with You.
When I doubt, when I believe, when I desire, when I cry, when I hesitate, when I hurry, when I fall, when You lift me up, when I sleep, when I dream, when I wane, when I grow, when I know, when I don’t – You are still ALL these things.
Your mercy DOES endure, Your grace IS enough. Just as I sing, You are all these things.
When I stop singing, You are still all these things.
When I forget to sing, You are still all these things.
When my mouth sings, but my heart is detached, You are still all these things.
I am fickle, I am weak. I love with condition. I crave what I do not have. I crave more of what I already have.
But,
I am not lost. I am never without hope. I am forgiven. I am glad.
Your grace covers all these weaknesses. You are my completion. You are everything it turns out I am seeking.
No matter the clenches I am in, just Your presence around and IN me fill me with a hope that I could not have placed there myself.
A hope that allows no bitterness. A hope that fights back what my nature wants to cling to so tightly. A hope that ALWAYS comes through. A hope that endures the challenges to bring about growth. Not just surviving, but growing.
A hope that stays through the hard and the good, not making hard times disappear, but bringing endurance and perseverance through it all, giving me a greater good.
I am so very human. You expect this of me. In fact, you created me this way. So why would I expect perfection of myself, or knock myself down for not reaching it? You do not shame me for my faults, why should I feel like I need to?
Not that I stand for status quo. I do strive to follow Your way. To live in Your light. To live apart from this world, but embracing the beloved souls in it.
You know where I will fall short. It is not a shock to You. This is why so long ago, You gave Your own life to save me.
My heart is far behind, but You are carrying it with You.
When I doubt, when I believe, when I desire, when I cry, when I hesitate, when I hurry, when I fall, when You lift me up, when I sleep, when I dream, when I wane, when I grow, when I know, when I don’t – You are still ALL these things.
More
"More"
Ripening.
I see, feel, detect it in the course of my thoughts.
It comes not out of ease, but of ordeal; yet, at times it is agreeable to me.
What a revolution of the heart; but still, there is more.
When do I go from endlessly requesting of You to simply seeking You?
When will Your eminence be desired, rather than my desire to be satisfied?
When will I offer the consistency You deserve?
This I long for, but have not achieved.
You ARE sculpting me. I now know your presence more than before.
But still, there is more.
Haven’t I come so far, yet only begun?
At the same time recognizing more of Your love and less of my understanding.
I cannot grasp the measure of Your time. Your work is steady and endless.
I cannot comprehend the magnitude of Your thorough, abiding care.
Forgive me when my belief falls short of everything You are.
Weakness swells as my interest fades, but Your attention never fails.
.Oh, for You to receive Your worth of gratitude!
Grant Your strength, to create in me an endless longing for more.
With a continuous flood of sincere thanks for who You are.
Ripening.
I see, feel, detect it in the course of my thoughts.
It comes not out of ease, but of ordeal; yet, at times it is agreeable to me.
What a revolution of the heart; but still, there is more.
When do I go from endlessly requesting of You to simply seeking You?
When will Your eminence be desired, rather than my desire to be satisfied?
When will I offer the consistency You deserve?
This I long for, but have not achieved.
You ARE sculpting me. I now know your presence more than before.
But still, there is more.
Haven’t I come so far, yet only begun?
At the same time recognizing more of Your love and less of my understanding.
I cannot grasp the measure of Your time. Your work is steady and endless.
I cannot comprehend the magnitude of Your thorough, abiding care.
Forgive me when my belief falls short of everything You are.
Weakness swells as my interest fades, but Your attention never fails.
.Oh, for You to receive Your worth of gratitude!
Grant Your strength, to create in me an endless longing for more.
With a continuous flood of sincere thanks for who You are.
End of Winter
Winter is coming to an end
I feel the ice melting on my skin
My limbs and chest once tense for so long
From Winter’s chill, trying to stay warm.
Muscles now relaxed, my head moves side to side.
Eyelashes release falling icicles.
Green eyes open slowly, their weight, once so intense, has vanished.
I can see clearly ahead.
Once, my hands were clenched so tightly
Afraid to let go, as if I might break.
I release them, slowly, they are comfortable now.
My chest is weightless, its burden cannot be found.
My lungs expand and experience fresh air, as if for the first time.
They fill to capacity, no more incomplete, empty gasps.
They exhale a fresh breath of gratefulness and hope.
Anything is possible with this new freedom of movement,
Thanks to this change of season in my soul
That awakens my body from hibernation
And warms its layers in preparation for progress.
I feel the ice melting on my skin
My limbs and chest once tense for so long
From Winter’s chill, trying to stay warm.
Muscles now relaxed, my head moves side to side.
Eyelashes release falling icicles.
Green eyes open slowly, their weight, once so intense, has vanished.
I can see clearly ahead.
Once, my hands were clenched so tightly
Afraid to let go, as if I might break.
I release them, slowly, they are comfortable now.
My chest is weightless, its burden cannot be found.
My lungs expand and experience fresh air, as if for the first time.
They fill to capacity, no more incomplete, empty gasps.
They exhale a fresh breath of gratefulness and hope.
Anything is possible with this new freedom of movement,
Thanks to this change of season in my soul
That awakens my body from hibernation
And warms its layers in preparation for progress.
Friday, April 24, 2009
OUT OF THE PIT
This might seem a little morose, but there is hope in the end! It's at least an honest picture of what I think it is like to feel stuck in a pit, trying to get out!
OUT OF THE PIT
Maybe you fell blindly. Maybe you helped yourself down all along.
Regardless, your feet touch the bottom and your heart sinks.
Desperation like you have never known overcomes your soul and mind.
Which is worse?
The isolated moment of finding yourself in implausible depth,
Or the countless others you spend snatching for your way out?
The sense of shock upon realizing where you are,
Or the futile clambering to escape?
Your first reaction: a frantic race to reach the top,
Wanting to be nowhere near where you are.
You raise your arm and lift your foot, searching for an edge to catch.
With just an inch to hold onto, you hoist yourself up.
You seem better off than when you began, and it might feel like progress.
You can’t be sure; but you keep on, wondering how many unfamiliar steps are left.
You seem upward-bound, but then…
Your foothold has vanished with no warning.
You didn't see it coming, but that does not keep you from descending, quickly.
Will you strike bottom again?
You were so careful, thinking that every step was best.
Everything was in the right place. You felt stable for that moment.
Yet you find yourself further away from solid ground,
And now with added disappointment for the failure.
Tired, defeated, you still desperately long for escape.
Weaker this time, you raise your limbs in another effort.
Again, all the strength you can collect thrusts you, almost too quickly, just a bit further.
You stubbornly push forward, though by now your hopes are reserved for the end.
Unsurprisingly, weakness overcomes, and you are, once again, plunging.
Which is worse?
That initial moment of finding yourself at the depth of the pit,
Or the innumerable frustrating, disappointing efforts of reaching the top in vain?
They leave you in pain, hopeless, as if you will never leave.
The dust, loosened from the walls by your scratching, begins to fill your lungs.
Breathing is a chore. Moving almost unthinkable.
What if He has been where you are striving to be all along?
Watching from above, holding His arm out in relief, asking you to take His hand.
You didn’t notice Him in the midst of all of your work.
You wondered where He was, but were too focused on the wall ahead of you to see.
You can’t imagine His arm being long enough to grasp your depths; you are too far.
But His ways are beyond yours. He is higher. He is deeper. He is enough.
No strength of your own is required.
You must only place your weary, mud-covered hand in His,
Knowing that He will lift you up and out of the desolate hollow.
You still observe the walls of the pit as you are lifted out,
But you are no longer striking yourself against them in fruitless attempt.
Give up your efforts and give in to your waning strength.
He grip is more firm, more perfect, more loving than is fathomable.
Your earthly mind finds such a simple, Heavenly rescue hard to believe.
You are not sure you even know how to simply raise a hand to His.
You may continue to attempt the climb in front of you,
Or you may relinquish the labor and accept the generous simplicity of His love.
OUT OF THE PIT
Maybe you fell blindly. Maybe you helped yourself down all along.
Regardless, your feet touch the bottom and your heart sinks.
Desperation like you have never known overcomes your soul and mind.
Which is worse?
The isolated moment of finding yourself in implausible depth,
Or the countless others you spend snatching for your way out?
The sense of shock upon realizing where you are,
Or the futile clambering to escape?
Your first reaction: a frantic race to reach the top,
Wanting to be nowhere near where you are.
You raise your arm and lift your foot, searching for an edge to catch.
With just an inch to hold onto, you hoist yourself up.
You seem better off than when you began, and it might feel like progress.
You can’t be sure; but you keep on, wondering how many unfamiliar steps are left.
You seem upward-bound, but then…
Your foothold has vanished with no warning.
You didn't see it coming, but that does not keep you from descending, quickly.
Will you strike bottom again?
You were so careful, thinking that every step was best.
Everything was in the right place. You felt stable for that moment.
Yet you find yourself further away from solid ground,
And now with added disappointment for the failure.
Tired, defeated, you still desperately long for escape.
Weaker this time, you raise your limbs in another effort.
Again, all the strength you can collect thrusts you, almost too quickly, just a bit further.
You stubbornly push forward, though by now your hopes are reserved for the end.
Unsurprisingly, weakness overcomes, and you are, once again, plunging.
Which is worse?
That initial moment of finding yourself at the depth of the pit,
Or the innumerable frustrating, disappointing efforts of reaching the top in vain?
They leave you in pain, hopeless, as if you will never leave.
The dust, loosened from the walls by your scratching, begins to fill your lungs.
Breathing is a chore. Moving almost unthinkable.
What if He has been where you are striving to be all along?
Watching from above, holding His arm out in relief, asking you to take His hand.
You didn’t notice Him in the midst of all of your work.
You wondered where He was, but were too focused on the wall ahead of you to see.
You can’t imagine His arm being long enough to grasp your depths; you are too far.
But His ways are beyond yours. He is higher. He is deeper. He is enough.
No strength of your own is required.
You must only place your weary, mud-covered hand in His,
Knowing that He will lift you up and out of the desolate hollow.
You still observe the walls of the pit as you are lifted out,
But you are no longer striking yourself against them in fruitless attempt.
Give up your efforts and give in to your waning strength.
He grip is more firm, more perfect, more loving than is fathomable.
Your earthly mind finds such a simple, Heavenly rescue hard to believe.
You are not sure you even know how to simply raise a hand to His.
You may continue to attempt the climb in front of you,
Or you may relinquish the labor and accept the generous simplicity of His love.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
being honest... :)
I am about to put it out there... :)
I know that God is really working in my life. I'm sure that He always has been, but I've just noticed it and embraced it and begged for more over the past couple of years.
I feel like I have learned SO much through these years. I have grown and matured spiritually... but I am also so aware of how much more there is left to go. It seems like the more I grow, the more I realize how dumb I am. OK - dumb is a little harsh... lacking is a better term. I am lacking in A LOT. Motivation, gentleness, gossiping, faith, love... all of it.
I am pretty much a flip-flop. I can have such moments of clarity when all is good and I think I've really learned something and can apply it to my life. An hour later, I am disappointed and questioning why God has put me in such a position, and I have a hard time moving on past disappointment and confusion.
Not that my life is in any bad state. I have plenty to be grateful for. I have wonderful people in my life, I have been able to go new places, and I always seem to be looking forward to something. But, do you ever just seem to focus on what you DON'T have? I hate that. I really hate when I spend a LARGE portion of my time wondering when I will get what I am missing. Another big portion of the time I spend wondering what I even really desire out of life.
I am a single, 27 year-old girl. Most times, I actually like it a lot. It wouldn't be right for me to be married or with children at this point. I mean, I think I am ready (in my mind) to meet someone to love and spend life with, but I don't want to rush anything that isn't meant to be. I do recognize the beauty of this time I have right now, but I also hope to one day see the beauty of marriage. I think God made me the way I am for a reason. He made me to be single at this point for a good purpose. I wouldn't be the same and might not have experienced such growth if things were any different. Usually, I am proud of that, but sometimes I question it. Being single isn't a bad thing at all. I have been able to move away and make new friends, grow spiritually through some challenges in life that I faced because I was single.
But sometimes, being single is hard. If dating were not involved, being single would be a breeze. I would love it, like I did before I really dated much. What is hard is when you are dating someone, and you're going through all of the stages of wondering whether or not this is someone you want to be dating, and whether or not you could see yourself married to them, and if you have 'feelings' there, or if there is supposed to be a 'spark,' or if they feel the same way, or if feelings change, or if you are going to be heart-broken, or if this is really someone you should be spending time with... on and on and on are the thoughts that cross the mind when dating. Well, they cross MY mind. I'm guessing they cross many girls' minds.
Sometimes I envy my friends who met their husbands early on in life... like highschool or college. Not that things were easy for them - I know each came with its own challenges. But to be over with the dating and the unsuredness of it all (is that a word?) - I am jealous of that. Maybe now I understand why my old youth pastor wanted to get us to read the book, "I Kissed Dating Goodbye." ;)
Really, I'm sort-of kidding. Dating must be a good thing if it can lead to marriage. I'm sure that when it's right, it's good :) Plus, even if things don't work out, dating truly can be fun. I'm just saying that it also is complicated, and I look forward to the day when I don't do it anymore!
As much as I desire marriage one day... I still sometimes wonder if that is what I really do want? It is a very definite thing, marriage. Sometimes I am scared to be too settled. Maybe I want to make sure I marry someone who is not sooo settled in their ways that they never want to move or try something new. I have often thought about ministry, missions, and things like that. Is that something I really desire to do one day - and if so, can I do it if I am married? Can I just up and go? Only if my husband is into the same thing and desires it as well. So many questions I have. I'm so unsure about my own goals and desires for my life that it is hard to imagine what kind of life I'd like with another person.
I know that I analyze things too much, but I'm not sure how to NOT do that! I realize that I make things complicated for myself. :) At least I can smile about it!
I will say this. Being single IS a blessing. I wish the single girls out there really believed it. I wish I believed it 100% of the time. I believe that God has a good purpose for single people. We do not need to waste our lives waiting to do something because we aren't married yet. I would say that in my life, more than half of the 'stress' of being single is related to the stigma that society puts on 'singleness.' If society (specifically, conservative, and often religious society) didn't make it seem so wrong to "still be single," then I would have hardly any qualms with being single. I would love to not let that stigma affect me in any way. Of course, there are moments that come every now and then when I just feel like I want to be held by someone who loves me. I just really want that someone to be there... but to be completely honest, those moments come and go pretty quickly. Those are things that I can always move past because my life is full of love in many other ways, and my life is full of activity and LIFE. So, while those moments can affect me at random times, they do not play a big part in my love or dislike of being single. The things society tries to get us to believe are far more effective in making me discontent than any random moment of lonliness. (For me, anyway).
Lots of people say, "So a girl like you, you're STILL single?" While I realize it is complimentary in some ways - it just doesn't do much for me. I'm just like, "Yep. That's right." But what I want to say is, "Is there something wrong with me STILL being single?" Maybe next time I will say that. :) Or maybe I'll just go into my long explanation of how I know that God has purposed my life in this way, and that He has me right where He wants me, but when the time comes for marriage, it will be right! :) I know in my right mind that this is true, but it is our culture that challenges my knowledge on that and makes me question it sometimes. Maybe one day it will not challenge me anymore, and my faith in God will stand above all of it.
I get irritated when I hear that some friends' mothers are pushing them to date any available 'nice Christian guy' that is around. I understand that mothers want their daughters to be happy, but maybe their daughters ARE happy. Or maybe they WOULD BE happy if they didn't feel like it was a mistake that they are single. That is truly how it can feel sometimes when you let others get to you, and that is unnecessary. Sometimes I want to say to mothers, "Maybe instead of just praying for your daughter to meet the man of her dreams as soon as possible, start praying for her to find her purpose and the beauty in being single right now so that she is living her life abundantly now and in every part of her life...because EVERY part of her life, especially RIGHT NOW counts."
There are so many things that I know to be true of God. And, if I believed them all 100% of the time, then life would be nearly perfect. Our culture can really have a bad influence on what I know to be true. I know that is Satan attacking. I have to remind myself of that. This is just how life works.
Whether you are married or single or divorced or going through separation or divorce, God does have a purpose for your life. It is no less purposeful or no more purposeful than anyone else's life, despite how society may influence you to think and feel. And there is no waiting around for the right time - the time is NOW. He has a purpose for your entire life. I want to start living and discovering His purpose right now and continually, in every part of my life. I don't want to fall into the temptation of listening to and believing what mainstream society and even some people in my own personal life tell me about being single or being married for that matter. I want to keep my eyes focused on God's plan for my life. His GOOD plan for ALL of my life. And I'd like to remember that His purpose includes making His goodness known above anything else.
It is easy to type this stuff, harder to live it. Hopefully, I have been transparent enough to explain that I often hit both ends of the spectrum... struggling with singleness, but also loving it and trying not to 'escape it' just because I think I might be missing something at times. And I would like for anyone to remind me of HIS truths when I do have those moments of unbelief.
"Lord, I believe. Help my unbelief." Mark 9:24
I know that God is really working in my life. I'm sure that He always has been, but I've just noticed it and embraced it and begged for more over the past couple of years.
I feel like I have learned SO much through these years. I have grown and matured spiritually... but I am also so aware of how much more there is left to go. It seems like the more I grow, the more I realize how dumb I am. OK - dumb is a little harsh... lacking is a better term. I am lacking in A LOT. Motivation, gentleness, gossiping, faith, love... all of it.
I am pretty much a flip-flop. I can have such moments of clarity when all is good and I think I've really learned something and can apply it to my life. An hour later, I am disappointed and questioning why God has put me in such a position, and I have a hard time moving on past disappointment and confusion.
Not that my life is in any bad state. I have plenty to be grateful for. I have wonderful people in my life, I have been able to go new places, and I always seem to be looking forward to something. But, do you ever just seem to focus on what you DON'T have? I hate that. I really hate when I spend a LARGE portion of my time wondering when I will get what I am missing. Another big portion of the time I spend wondering what I even really desire out of life.
I am a single, 27 year-old girl. Most times, I actually like it a lot. It wouldn't be right for me to be married or with children at this point. I mean, I think I am ready (in my mind) to meet someone to love and spend life with, but I don't want to rush anything that isn't meant to be. I do recognize the beauty of this time I have right now, but I also hope to one day see the beauty of marriage. I think God made me the way I am for a reason. He made me to be single at this point for a good purpose. I wouldn't be the same and might not have experienced such growth if things were any different. Usually, I am proud of that, but sometimes I question it. Being single isn't a bad thing at all. I have been able to move away and make new friends, grow spiritually through some challenges in life that I faced because I was single.
But sometimes, being single is hard. If dating were not involved, being single would be a breeze. I would love it, like I did before I really dated much. What is hard is when you are dating someone, and you're going through all of the stages of wondering whether or not this is someone you want to be dating, and whether or not you could see yourself married to them, and if you have 'feelings' there, or if there is supposed to be a 'spark,' or if they feel the same way, or if feelings change, or if you are going to be heart-broken, or if this is really someone you should be spending time with... on and on and on are the thoughts that cross the mind when dating. Well, they cross MY mind. I'm guessing they cross many girls' minds.
Sometimes I envy my friends who met their husbands early on in life... like highschool or college. Not that things were easy for them - I know each came with its own challenges. But to be over with the dating and the unsuredness of it all (is that a word?) - I am jealous of that. Maybe now I understand why my old youth pastor wanted to get us to read the book, "I Kissed Dating Goodbye." ;)
Really, I'm sort-of kidding. Dating must be a good thing if it can lead to marriage. I'm sure that when it's right, it's good :) Plus, even if things don't work out, dating truly can be fun. I'm just saying that it also is complicated, and I look forward to the day when I don't do it anymore!
As much as I desire marriage one day... I still sometimes wonder if that is what I really do want? It is a very definite thing, marriage. Sometimes I am scared to be too settled. Maybe I want to make sure I marry someone who is not sooo settled in their ways that they never want to move or try something new. I have often thought about ministry, missions, and things like that. Is that something I really desire to do one day - and if so, can I do it if I am married? Can I just up and go? Only if my husband is into the same thing and desires it as well. So many questions I have. I'm so unsure about my own goals and desires for my life that it is hard to imagine what kind of life I'd like with another person.
I know that I analyze things too much, but I'm not sure how to NOT do that! I realize that I make things complicated for myself. :) At least I can smile about it!
I will say this. Being single IS a blessing. I wish the single girls out there really believed it. I wish I believed it 100% of the time. I believe that God has a good purpose for single people. We do not need to waste our lives waiting to do something because we aren't married yet. I would say that in my life, more than half of the 'stress' of being single is related to the stigma that society puts on 'singleness.' If society (specifically, conservative, and often religious society) didn't make it seem so wrong to "still be single," then I would have hardly any qualms with being single. I would love to not let that stigma affect me in any way. Of course, there are moments that come every now and then when I just feel like I want to be held by someone who loves me. I just really want that someone to be there... but to be completely honest, those moments come and go pretty quickly. Those are things that I can always move past because my life is full of love in many other ways, and my life is full of activity and LIFE. So, while those moments can affect me at random times, they do not play a big part in my love or dislike of being single. The things society tries to get us to believe are far more effective in making me discontent than any random moment of lonliness. (For me, anyway).
Lots of people say, "So a girl like you, you're STILL single?" While I realize it is complimentary in some ways - it just doesn't do much for me. I'm just like, "Yep. That's right." But what I want to say is, "Is there something wrong with me STILL being single?" Maybe next time I will say that. :) Or maybe I'll just go into my long explanation of how I know that God has purposed my life in this way, and that He has me right where He wants me, but when the time comes for marriage, it will be right! :) I know in my right mind that this is true, but it is our culture that challenges my knowledge on that and makes me question it sometimes. Maybe one day it will not challenge me anymore, and my faith in God will stand above all of it.
I get irritated when I hear that some friends' mothers are pushing them to date any available 'nice Christian guy' that is around. I understand that mothers want their daughters to be happy, but maybe their daughters ARE happy. Or maybe they WOULD BE happy if they didn't feel like it was a mistake that they are single. That is truly how it can feel sometimes when you let others get to you, and that is unnecessary. Sometimes I want to say to mothers, "Maybe instead of just praying for your daughter to meet the man of her dreams as soon as possible, start praying for her to find her purpose and the beauty in being single right now so that she is living her life abundantly now and in every part of her life...because EVERY part of her life, especially RIGHT NOW counts."
There are so many things that I know to be true of God. And, if I believed them all 100% of the time, then life would be nearly perfect. Our culture can really have a bad influence on what I know to be true. I know that is Satan attacking. I have to remind myself of that. This is just how life works.
Whether you are married or single or divorced or going through separation or divorce, God does have a purpose for your life. It is no less purposeful or no more purposeful than anyone else's life, despite how society may influence you to think and feel. And there is no waiting around for the right time - the time is NOW. He has a purpose for your entire life. I want to start living and discovering His purpose right now and continually, in every part of my life. I don't want to fall into the temptation of listening to and believing what mainstream society and even some people in my own personal life tell me about being single or being married for that matter. I want to keep my eyes focused on God's plan for my life. His GOOD plan for ALL of my life. And I'd like to remember that His purpose includes making His goodness known above anything else.
It is easy to type this stuff, harder to live it. Hopefully, I have been transparent enough to explain that I often hit both ends of the spectrum... struggling with singleness, but also loving it and trying not to 'escape it' just because I think I might be missing something at times. And I would like for anyone to remind me of HIS truths when I do have those moments of unbelief.
"Lord, I believe. Help my unbelief." Mark 9:24
Friday, January 9, 2009
Oops
Well, I kind of forgot that I had this blog! Really who is reading it anyway :) Sadly, though, after all this time, I can't think of anything great to say. Not that I did before... God gives great insights all the time, and I love when He gives me things like that. He has done it so much, but unfortunately, I feel like I enjoy it in the moment, and then I have to be re-taught the same thing over and over again. That is life... for me, anyway.
I will say how grateful I am to have the friends I have in life. I find it hard to be grateful sometimes, which is ridiculous, because I know that I have an infinite amount of things to be grateful for. But, even so, I am still so selfish and often miss the most important things. Anyway, lately, God has let me realize how much He has blessed me by giving me such great friends. I have always had a lot of friends from different areas of life... growing up, church, college, sports, etc. Now, I have friends in Charleston and new friends I've made since moving back to Augusta.
Soon before I left for college, I remember praying that God would give me Christian friends, as sort of an accountability. I knew it was easy to lose sight of Him away from home in a new, fun, more independent place, so I prayed that He would give me good friends to keep me on track. And looking back, I can't believe how clearly He answered that prayer. Not only in college did I have good Christian friends, but ever since then, I have never had a shortage. Even some the friendships I had growing up have become more strongly based on Christ. And now, of course, I have my Charleston friends to add to that list. When I lived in Charleston, I never knew a group of young people existed like that. I had never been around a group of people so genuinely seeking Christ whole-heartedly. It was and is still such an encouragement. Don't get me wrong, I have friends who are not Christians, and these are some great friendships, too. I am grateful for them! But, there is something extra-special about friendships that are grounded in Christ. Not just two Christians who are friends... but two friends who talk about and encourage each other's spiritual growth. That is serious friendship :)
I just realized how great these friendships are last weekend when I went to Charleston for New Years. Before we went to bed each night, Molly and I sat down and she read to me some excerpts from a new book of hers, "Hope." We talked about our faith and our struggles and our hopes and our good times. Then, we both started reading our favorite scriptures to each other. It was so encouraging. I don't have many friends I have been that open about my faith with, but I am SO grateful for this part of friendship. It is so comforting to have friends who share the same beliefs and the same desires as far as living for Christ goes.
So I guess I had something to write about after all.
I really love my friends! I hope not only that we remain friends, but I hope the friendships grow. This is truly my prayer for my friends:
"I pray for you constantly, asking God, the glorious Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, to give you spiritual wisdom and understanding, so that you might grow in your knowledge of God. I pray that your hearts will be flooded with light, so that you can understand the wonderful future He has promised to those He called."
Ephesians 1:17-18
By the way, most of my friends don't even know what a blog really is, so they definitely aren't reading this...I guess that means I'll have to tell them in person how much their friendship means, haha. But for the ones who do and can read this, I love you :)
I will say how grateful I am to have the friends I have in life. I find it hard to be grateful sometimes, which is ridiculous, because I know that I have an infinite amount of things to be grateful for. But, even so, I am still so selfish and often miss the most important things. Anyway, lately, God has let me realize how much He has blessed me by giving me such great friends. I have always had a lot of friends from different areas of life... growing up, church, college, sports, etc. Now, I have friends in Charleston and new friends I've made since moving back to Augusta.
Soon before I left for college, I remember praying that God would give me Christian friends, as sort of an accountability. I knew it was easy to lose sight of Him away from home in a new, fun, more independent place, so I prayed that He would give me good friends to keep me on track. And looking back, I can't believe how clearly He answered that prayer. Not only in college did I have good Christian friends, but ever since then, I have never had a shortage. Even some the friendships I had growing up have become more strongly based on Christ. And now, of course, I have my Charleston friends to add to that list. When I lived in Charleston, I never knew a group of young people existed like that. I had never been around a group of people so genuinely seeking Christ whole-heartedly. It was and is still such an encouragement. Don't get me wrong, I have friends who are not Christians, and these are some great friendships, too. I am grateful for them! But, there is something extra-special about friendships that are grounded in Christ. Not just two Christians who are friends... but two friends who talk about and encourage each other's spiritual growth. That is serious friendship :)
I just realized how great these friendships are last weekend when I went to Charleston for New Years. Before we went to bed each night, Molly and I sat down and she read to me some excerpts from a new book of hers, "Hope." We talked about our faith and our struggles and our hopes and our good times. Then, we both started reading our favorite scriptures to each other. It was so encouraging. I don't have many friends I have been that open about my faith with, but I am SO grateful for this part of friendship. It is so comforting to have friends who share the same beliefs and the same desires as far as living for Christ goes.
So I guess I had something to write about after all.
I really love my friends! I hope not only that we remain friends, but I hope the friendships grow. This is truly my prayer for my friends:
"I pray for you constantly, asking God, the glorious Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, to give you spiritual wisdom and understanding, so that you might grow in your knowledge of God. I pray that your hearts will be flooded with light, so that you can understand the wonderful future He has promised to those He called."
Ephesians 1:17-18
By the way, most of my friends don't even know what a blog really is, so they definitely aren't reading this...I guess that means I'll have to tell them in person how much their friendship means, haha. But for the ones who do and can read this, I love you :)
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